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A Bunch of Fives So when all is said and done, we analyse where, when and the quantity of times a ball has landed in the back of a net, past and present, or failed to, and somehow deduce why it was destined to be so. That’s the unenviable task of our resident expert Professor Statto, who brings us the benefit of his incisive intellect allied to half a century of football scholarship. And not least, his wry sense of humour.  He leaves the predictions to others, but he’ll provide you with the ammunition to sustain your challenge through your Score Five campaign. He’ll keep you up-to-date with what’s happening in the competition. He’ll lead you along byways exploring weird and wonderful facets of the game past and present, but always in his own inimitable style. Some comedian once suggested that “98% of all statistics are made up”, but the Prof. cordially invites you all to verify any information he presents – if only because he does most of the calculations in his head. Professor Statto and his amazing statistics. ====================================== Visit the Prof's 2008/09 season archives. Previous analysis Mr. 45, and Pierre Van Der Brug Hello again, pals, and welcome back. It's a monster week - Prem, Cup and Champions League all in action, and there couldn't be a worse time for it as far as I'm concerned. This intro is being written at Statto Villas, the Cup details will be analysed about 300km away just down the road from Stamford Bridge, and the Champs. League and Prem denouement will be deconstructed in a public library halfway between Everton and Blackburn Rovers: it's time for me to chauffeur Mrs. Statto on the annual tour of her relatives. Never mind, it only lasts a week.... Weekly highlights Pt. 1 League No sooner had the new record score of 44 pts been entered on the Wall Of Fame, than it was under threat, in another 12-gamer. There was an amazing start to the midweek Round 26: of the four games played on Tuesday, three of the results matched the No. 1 forecast! Even in the fourth game, where Fulham surprised even themselves by winning 3-0, 84% of you had backed the win, though only Barclaysbank and Dicksj93 were spot on. Going into Wednesday night’s games there were two dozen players with 20 points or above, and we had correct results at an outrageous 65.25% and Perfectos at 24.63%! Two surprise results - Wolves and Everton overcoming Spurs and Chelsea respectively - took the wind out of the leaders sails the following day, but we still had six players who ended the week with a possibility of becoming a new record-setter. Krrish on 39 pts led the field - two 3-pt results would be enough for him - and he was being chased by MKLosers on 36 pts and a quartet (Minirik, 240574, BobbyN, and JohnMakris) on 35, all depending on two Perfectos to get them into the winners enclosure....unlikely, but not impossible, given that the two remaining fixtures had produced a high consensus of forecasts. However, all that would have to wait a while, as we had other matters to concern us at the weekend. Weekly highlights Pt. 2 FA Cup Eight ties, and 45 points up for grabs. As always, it was predicting the performances of the non-Prem teams that was the hard part. Round Five was a low-scoring affair, points-wise, with an average basic 14.2 pts and 18.6 with Banker. More than 80% of you made the safety choice of Chelsea at home for the bonus five. Four matches went very much with form, as Chelsea, Birmingham, Fulham and Portsmouth overcame lower-league opposition. Plenty of you picked up Perfect 5's from the Chelsea and Birmingham wins, but only three players (Count Zloli, Bakkerman and AndyinHolland), nailed Fulham's 4-0. The best - and certainly the boldest - Banker tip was from Edith, who just knew that Birmingham were going to come from behind to win at Derby. Nice one, ma'am! Two matches, at Man. City and Crystal Palace were traditional Cup banana skins, with the unfancied Stoke and Palace unlucky to get only a draw. The best match was at Bolton, where the home team threw off their 'long-ball' tag to surprise a Spurs side with some slick passing. After the 1-1 result, Magic Mike's choice of this as his Banker didn't look as daft as it did before the game! The 65% who backed Spurs were left to rue the inconsistency that bedevil's Harry's boys. The remaining match, Reading-West Brom, was viewed by most of you as a Championship fixture, with high-flying Albion expected to dispose of the struggling home team. As so often, in the Cup it was a different matter, with Reading looking more like the team who have already put out Liverpool and Burnley. The 2-2 result was tipped by only four players - well done Blandhn, BangkokBlue, Gamidovi and WolvesJim RollsRoys was the only one of the Cup Top 10 to post a big score, while Blandhn and Wenger's Wonderkids improved their chances of a good run in, rising to equal #12. With only seven Cup matches left, it will take a mighty effort for anyone outside the Top 20 to win it now.
Weekly highlights Pt. 3, Champions League With only Bayern Munich of the fancied teams winning, Round 13 didn't have a happy outcome for most of you. With 11 of the 12 possible results selected as Bankers, it was a low-scoring affair. It'll take me a while to find some good news - tune in again next week for it, when we will also have details from the other four ties in the Round Of 16, as UEFA describe it, or Round 14 as it is known by the ultimate authority, the ScoreFive Supremo. Weekly highlights Pt. 4 League Tuesday's Stoke-Man. City game defied all the predictions, with the Stoke 'keeper having an easy night even when his team were down to 10 men. The home team piled forward incessantly, and appeared to have won 2-1 via a last-minute header, but to the surprise of everyone, Man. City defenders included, the ref said No, due to an attacking player getting close enough to the City 'keeper to invade his personal space. On such decisions are seasons won and lost - and ScoreFive prizes too. The reprieve was great news for 240574, BobbyN and JohnMakris, who had all backed the 1-1, and thus advanced to 40 pts for the week, alongside Krrish, who was with the majority of you that said "City to win". For the second time in a week against the same opposition they didn't. Only Wednesday's Wigan-Bolton game remaining, and a Perfecto was needed for one of our four leaders to make a claim on those long-distance Virgin Atlantic tickets....I trust you've all noted the prize details, pals? They're worth reading! But back to the match. We had three different scorelines forecast by our fab four. JohnMakris, hoping for 1-0, must have been groaning as a N'Zogbia shot hit the post and bounced clear. Minirik and 240574 were begging for both teams to score, and give us a fifth 1-1 of Round 26. But no, in a dour derby played on a quagmire of a pitch, there were few scoring opportunities, and most of those were off target. When the final whistle blew, I'm sure that in South Africa, BobbyN was happier than either manager, team or their fans. His 0-0 prediction brought his score to a fantastic six Perfectos and 45 pts, the highest number in over 25,000 predictions since ScoreFive kicked off last season. On behalf of all ScoreFivers, congratulations! That last-minute disallowed Stoke goal, and the previous week's 96th minute equaliser for Portsmouth made a huge difference to the week's exceptional Perfecto count, and our Wall Of Fame. Could there be another round like it? Well, I note that Round 29 (beginning March 6) has 13 games! There's your best chance for a tilt at Bobby's crown, folks. Our top scorer has changed three times this season. Why not a fourth? I'm already looking forward to it! This week's leading group all managed 40 pts or over. Note those Seagulls continuing their flight up the rankings....
The men 'from Standard Liege' It’s now a famous quiz question: name the 11 overseas players who took part in the first day’s Premier League action in August 1992. To anyone under 18, the very idea that was ever a time when there were a mere 11, rather than the 150 who played last weekend, is incomprehensible. For those who grew up pre-1980 when goal posts were wooden and rectangular, rather than metal tubes, players from anywhere further afield than Ireland were as exotic as a Hawaiian cocktail. We were accustomed to the adventures of British teams in Europe from the 1960s on, but it was British players going abroad – Keegan, Lineker, Hughes, Rush, and earlier Greaves, Charles and Law – rather than continentals coming to us, that we were used to. As for South American or African players at English clubs, they were rare indeed. Yet suddenly, as the Premier League era dawned, players from a host of unfamiliar nations began to arrive in large numbers. Maybe they were all coming through that hole in the Berlin Wall? Along with the Prem came Big Money, most of it going into players and agents pockets. Admission prices increased rapidly. It was in this climate of upheaval that two thirtyish English football fans, who we shall call Neil and Dave, hit on an idea to save themselves some cash. They had a friend who was working in Belgium, so they arranged for him to visit the club shop at Standard Liege and buy for them club ties and padded Umbro coaches jackets in S. L. club colours. To these, Neil and Dave added neat grey trousers, well-polished formal shoes, smart shirts and hey presto! – they were indistinguishable from the many coaches and scouts who could be seen among the guests and VIPs in any Directors Box on a Saturday afternoon….and that’s precisely what they intended. Having selected an attractive-looking fixture, they would have their friend in Belgium phone the home club, usually on a Friday afternoon, to advise that two scouts from Standard Liege would be arriving for the match, and could they be afforded the usual courtesies please? It worked like a dream. Not only were they admitted free to the best seats, but they were given all the hospitality the clubs had to offer. Managers sought them out with a friendly welcome. Coaches asked them about Belgian training methods. In the Directors dining room, those scenting a payday tried to winkle out information about which players the scouts had come to assess. The less mercenary and more ambitious types asked about up-and-coming Belgian players who might be interested in a move to England. Watching a free game every week while being wined and dined was all very well, but the questions that went along with it became a problem. And then there was the question of how to conduct themselves. Real scouts didn’t just watch the game…. Neil and Dave learned fast. The first necessity was a large notebook, in which to scribble team formations with cryptic notes and arrows going left, right, up and down. Every few minutes, a conspiratorial whisper followed by a meaningful scribble….full backs pushing up, one man wide on the left, second striker in the hole. To explain their own involvement, Neil became an ex-Bristol City midfielder, and Dave an ex-Fulham full back whose career was cut short by injury in the mid-80s. One of the coaching staff at Man. City remembered playing against Neil in a Cup game. Dave was recognised from a Fulham team photo. Strange, as neither had been anywhere closer to their chosen teams than on the terraces! At Wolves, remembered especially for it’s good half-time soup, they chatted with the FA spokesman David Davies who was in an adjoining seat. Howard Kendall at Everton stopped to welcome them, and wanted to know about their journey from Liege. They spoke with Ruud Gullit and Ron Atkinson, and when pressed to name the best young talent in Belgium, invented the speedy Pierre Van Der Brug, who ‘might become available for transfer sometime soon’. While enjoying a post-match pint in the players lounge at Stoke, they came close to being unmasked when someone remembered that one of the youth team had spent some time on loan in Belgium, and went to find him. Neil and Dave suddenly remembered a pressing appointment, and left. Could the deception last? It did, and they were careful enough to spread their visits around the divisions to minimise the chances of exposure. They especially enjoyed visits to lower league clubs, where they were treated as celebrities. At Yeovil, they were asked to draw the club lottery winner on the pitch at half-time. As this was not far from Neil’s home, they politely declined. They took a big risk when responding to Danny Baker’s question “How you ever fooled a football club?”. Neil told their story, and mentioned on air that they were off to Swindon that day – surely this was begging to be caught? Somehow, no. They returned having enjoyed the half-time vol-au-vents to expand on their tale in Dan’s following programme. For all I know, they were in a Director’s Box at a Cup-tie last weekend. Neil and Dave’s saga is not the only occasion where modern football’s business instincts have led to red faces – anyone who knows the story of Ali Dia can attest to that – but I think it’s a belter. And that reminds me, I must phone Man. Utd to ensure they’ll have my seat reserved for the game with West ham on Tuesday. Didn’t you know I’m the man from OPTA? Right pals, time for me to collect Mrs. Statto from Aunt Mimi's and head off towards the land of Bolton Wanderers. Until next week, keep well. Prof. Statto. |
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