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A Bunch of Fives

So when all is said and done we translate the number of times a ball has landed in the back of a net, past and present, and somehow work out why it was so obviously going to be so and what will happen in the future!! That’s the unenviable task of our resident expert Professor Statto, Nobel Prize Winner in waiting, who’s been explaining the meaning of football life and giving comfort to his followers for years.

He’ll tell you why your predictions were bound to be wrong. He’ll tell you about the most outrageous possibilities to come. He’ll tell you…But whatever he says remember:

“98% of all statistics are made up.” ~Author Unknown

Professor Statto and his amazing statistics.

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Previous analysis

Week 32.... Week 31.... Week 30.... Week 29.... Week 28.... Week 27

It's Raining Goals

Hello again, pals

Well, what a week! The best seven days of football this season, I reckon, if we use those excellent Champions League games between Liverpool and Chelsea as our bookends. After years of one-goal or scoreless grudge encounters between these two, they went mental, as did the Prem in between. Anyone who had predicted 52 goals from those 12 games between 8-14 April would have been dismissed as a loony. The 40 in the Prem was the highest for many seasons.

Apart from usually tight defensive teams (Chelsea, Everton, Wigan maybe) getting careless, we had the goal-shy (Bolton, ’Boro, Fulham) banging them in! And not a 0-0 in sight….long may it continue. What has caused all this mayhem? The warmer weather must be a factor.

If Madame Zsa Zsa the fortune teller had advised Guus Hiddink last Friday that his boys would concede seven in their next two home games, he would have been panic-stricken. If Rafa Benitez had been her next customer, and been told his boys would score four in each of their next two, he’d have been leaping for joy. As it is, I suspect Guus is the happier man today. It is indeed a funny old game….

There are still three teams in with a possibility of the League / Cup / Champions League treble. While Chelsea and Man. Utd have reduced their injury lists, Arsenal are now suffering. Monsieur Wenger is going to have the chance to test some more of his fabled Second XI on the big stage in the coming weeks.

Those of you who have looked at the Prem Round 33 Predictions and wondered why there are 10 games when there’s only seven on the fixture list, it’s not a mistake. The other three are in the middle of next week.

 

Weekly roundup
Backache for the goalies conversely meant low scores for you ScoreFivers, with most players being derailed by the plethora of high scores. We weren’t prepared for seeing so many threes and fours. To put it in perspective, until the weekend, there had been 80 scores of three and above in 31 Rounds – call it 2.5 per week. In round 32, we got eight! Anyone who scored 20 pts is entitled to feel pleased. Plenty of you found six or seven results, but only the matches at Stoke, Sunderland and Spurs produced any quantity of Perfect 5s.

You can probably guess the games without a single ’fiver: Chelsea/Bolton, Portsmouth/West Brom, Villa/ Everton and Man. City/Fulham. Of those, only the Chelsea/Bolton game yielded a 3-pointer – take a bow, Angelo. I thought Magic Mike rather rash to predict a 4-0 for the ’Pool, but he was spot on, as was mdhere4u, who has a bit of form in locating unlikely scores. Brian Tang and Nobby Style got a five-point reward for being brave enough to back the ’Boro to see off Hull 3-1, but the most extreme forecast to be proved right was Danbert’s 1-4 to the Arsenal. It didn’t look likely with two minutes left, eh, Dan?

 

Top Players
With only seven of the Top 20 able to muster 20 pts, there were no convulsions on the leaderboard, but the top three have extended their lead a little. Andeebuboy continued his march towards the top, reaching joint 6th – remember, he was 64th on Boxing Day!

A modest total of two dozen warrants a place in the spotlight this week, and it’s nice to see a few new names on the podium – Biggy Culls probably needs cheering up after his lads blew their fading playoff chances with a home loss to their local rivals.

Player	League	Supports	Points	Notes
Cockney Blue Jew	Arsenal GS	Arsenal	26	3 fives
Biggy Culls	Public 1	Preston NE	26	8 results
Lawro !!!!	Liv GS	Liverpool	26	8 results
Andeebuboy	Archer	QPR	25	8 results
Redrum	Liv GS	Sampadoria	24	7 results

 

A Grand Day Out?
It’s an FA Cup weekend again.. When you go to do your predictions, you’ll note that those pesky gremlins have been tinkering again – be assured it is the Semifinals, not the 7th Round, pals. It might as well be called the ‘Win anyhow, as long as you win’ Round, as these affairs are rarely festivals of artistry: getting to the May showpiece at Wembley is all that matters.

The FA, experts in devaluation, have diminished the Cup by insisting that the semifinals are now
played at New Wembley. There’s no good reason for dragging the Everton and Man.Utd fans 300km for a game that should have been played in the North-West – it’s simply a moneymaking wheeze to help the Soho Square clods pay off some of the $1bn cost of the stadium, which was originally budgeted at $250m. With that sort of financial management expertise, I wouldn’t let them run a hot-dog stand.

At least they got one change right. We no longer face the prospect of unlimited Semi-final replays. I don’t think today’s fans or teams would tolerate the situation that occurred in the season 1979-80, when Liverpool and Arsenal played four games over a total of 420 minutes before a winner emerged! After 0-0, 1-1 and 1-1, the Gunners edged the fourth game at Coventry 1-0. It was this that persuaded the FA to introduce extra-time at the end of the first game in the event of scores being level. Perhaps worn out by that Semi-final marathon, Arsenal lost the final 2-0 to West Ham, who in those days were a second-tier outfit.

It will be interesting to see how much fuel this season’s teams have left in the tank after their Champions League exertions. I’m sure David Moyes was sat at home relishing every knock the United boys took in Portugal. If it goes to extra time, he’ll be the more confident manager.

 

Goals breakdown
It’s been a while since we’ve had an update on how often each score occurs. Here it is, split Home /
Away, up to and including Sunday’s games:

Score	Home	Away
0	83	119
1	101	101
2	85	61
3	31	26
4	14	8
5	4	4
6	1	0
Totals	319	319

Total games played, 319. Goals scored at Home 446, Away 353. Total 799, avge 2.504 per game

Till next week, pals, look after yourselves.

Regards,
Prof. Statto