Technology Partner


Community Partners

A Bunch of Fives

So when all is said and done we translate the number of times a ball has landed in the back of a net, past and present, and somehow work out why it was so obviously going to be so and what will happen in the future!! That’s the unenviable task of our resident expert Professor Statto, Nobel Prize Winner in waiting, who’s been explaining the meaning of football life and giving comfort to his followers for years.

He’ll tell you why your predictions were bound to be wrong. He’ll tell you about the most outrageous possibilities to come. He’ll tell you…But whatever he says remember:

“98% of all statistics are made up.” ~Author Unknown

Professor Statto and his amazing statistics.

======================================

Previous analysis

Week 33.... Week 32.... Week 31.... Week 30.... Week 29.... Week 28

The Men In Blue And The Men In Trouble

Greetings, all.

The FA Cup Semifinals demonstrated that when the Tried and Tested meet the Makeshift, it’s wise to back the T & T. The regular Arsenal defence have chosen a bad time to go absent. Even Monsieur W’s best XI would have had problems against the newly revitalised Chelsea, whose win means there is now only one team capable of the League/Cup/Champions League treble, following Man. Utd’s exit at the hands of Everton.

Instead of announcing his team, the knight of Govan might as well have said “FA Cup = our third priority”. Fair enough, and with United’s games coming thick and fast, I’m sure some players needed a break, but the subdued demeanour of the Red Devils fans throughout the match indicated that they’d have preferred to see a couple more reassuring faces, on the bench at least.

David Moyes, on the other hand, simply sent out the same battle-hardened crew who have served him so well this season. Injuries permitting, they pick themselves. Phil Neville now looks twice the player he was at Old Trafford. Lescott and Jagielka have multiplied their values, Fellaini and Pienaar are widely coveted, while Cahill and Arteta would be welcome in any Champions League team. Moyes is doing a great job at Goodison. This is a guy who began preparing for his future career as early as 22, using his holidays to acquire coaching badges. By the time his playing career ended at Preston North End, he had more qualifications than some who had been 20 years in management. You can’t collect good judgement and motivational skills in the same manner, but he clearly has more than his fair share of those too. I’m looking forward to his future success. Will he be the successor to Sir Alex? Probably, if Celtic don’t grab him first.

By any standards, the match was not a classic, with hardly a clear chance at either end. To be fair, United should have had a penalty, but on this occasion they were unlucky – or were the Gods Of Football simply rewarding another who deserves some success? So, it’ll be all Blue at Wembley on May 30….three days after the Champions League Final. Evertonians are already hoping that Chelsea go all the way, against hard-tackling, rugged opponents….not forgetting extra time and penalties!

League-wise, it was a weekend with the focus on the struggle to avoid The Drop. We can now eliminate Stoke from the candidates: another full-blooded, muscular performance against Blackburn took them eight points clear of 18th place. For my money, West Brom are gone and it’s a question of two from the five above them. Hull (16th) and Middlesbrough (19th) have the more difficult fixtures with both still to face a pair of the Big Four. If there’s one fixture that will have more of an influence than any other, it’s on Monday May 11th when Newcastle (currently 18th) host Middlesbrough.

With Sunderland (15th) also in danger, times are tough in the North-East. If ScoreFive predictions alone could save the region, Michael B of the Football Supporters Federation would be their hero. He forecast the ’Boro to beat Fulham 3-1, his own Sunderland to hammer Hull 5-1, and the Magpies to embarrass Spurs 1-4. Ah, if only…. Rather more realistic was his fellow-FSFer and Toon Army regular Samso, who correctly identified all those results. For good measure, he was also on the mark with the other two games affecting the lower reaches, at Portsmouth and Stoke. Samso, do let us know, who’s going to be visiting Doncaster, Blackpool and Coventry next season?

Weekly roundup
The Cup first. Sir Alex’s reserves scuppered the hordes of you who expected a couple of goals from the Mancs. There wasn’t a single 0-0 prediction. I’ve said that a few times this season! Only six went for the draw, and not one of them for a Chelsea win, so we have the unusual statistic of no-one managing to predict two correct results from two games. That leaves us with two on six points as our Cup Stars of the week – step forward Enid and Alex Collier. As for our Cup Winner, it’s now down to a four-way contest, with Johnno11 holding a three-point lead, while 128break, Go Behind Seagulls and Gilberto’s Goldmine remain within striking distance.

With only seven Prem fixtures at the weekend, we have a little wait to see who benefits most from Round 33, but as of Wednesday (ahead of the Man. Utd/Portsmouth and Chelsea/Everton games), at the top of the Global Leaderboard, Lano23, Antomeno and Gilberto’s Goldmine have drawn away from their pursuers via solid weekend performances. The gap to 4th place is now 20 pts – that’ll take some bridging.

The average weekend score was 12-13 pts, and that didn’t increase much after Tuesday’s game. Though 40% of you expected Liverpool and Arsenal to draw, you won’t be surprised to hear that none anticipated quite how…..great game though eh? Liverpool are clearly the team to watch in recent weeks.

Top Players
It was a great weekend for the team known to their friends as the Gobbies. Apart from maintaining their challenge in both Cup and League, they saw their beloved Brighton make progress in their late bid to escape a ride on the Oblivion Express to Ye Olde Div. 4. For Gilberto’s Goldmine, it’s a fourth podium appearance in eight weeks. All three previous times they were top dog - they’re obviously slipping! Cockney Blue Jew and Laarni have experience of being in the spotlight, but I think it’s a first for Samso, the Sunderland Seer. Good luck to your boys in the weeks ahead, matey.

Honourable mentions also for Gareth, Colui72 and 240574, all with 18 pts, who may yet leapfrog the bunch below when those final scores are updated.

Player	League	Supports	Points
Go Behind Seagulls	AMNAS1	Brighton	24
Gilberto's Goldmine	Arsenal GS	Arsenal	21
Samso	Newcastle GS	Newcastle	20
Cockney Blue Jew	Meywin	Arsenal	19
Laarni	Archer	Liverpool	19

 

Let’s have more of this!
If you buy a product that turns out to be defective or pay for a service that doesn’t live up to the expected quality, you’d expect a refund. It’s normal practice, but somehow, it’s never caught on in football. Perhaps things are changing: after they were beaten 4-0 at the weekend by Schalke, the players of Bundesliga side Energie Cottbus offered to reimburse the ticket costs of the 600 fans who made the long cross-country trek to support them in their relegation battle.

I wonder how many Prem players saw that story and felt uncomfortable. Newcastle’s perhaps, who are religiously followed by the vast Toon Army, no matter how badly they play? Did Martin O’Neill feel anything for the Aston Villa fans who paid hundreds of pounds to travel to CSKA Moscow in March for a UEFA Cup match only to find their team included eight reserves?

Right, folks, start preparing your invoices now. Charlton and Southampton fans, I think you have most reason to complain!

It couldn’t happen – could it?
No matter how unlikely some scenarios may appear, time has a habit of turning fantasy into fact. Nottingham Forest went from double European Cup winners down to the (old) Div. 3. Wimbledon went from non-league to FA Cup winners within 12 years. They led Div 1 in Sept. ’86 but no longer exist. What chance of Man. Utd, European Champions, being relegating within six years? A ludicrous idea, surely….

After beating Benfica at Wembley in 1968 to become the first English European Cup winners, United, under a succession of managers, went into a decline brought about by failure to acquire new talent to replace their ageing stars. Tommy Docherty saved them from relegation in 1972-73, but a year later, they were in trouble again. This very weekend 35 years ago, they were at home to Man. City. With three games left, United needed something from the game to have any chance of climbing out of the bottom three.

By the way, a quick check of the Div. 1 table for that season shows only 10 of the current Prem teams. Eight were in Div. 2, Blackburn were in Div. 3 and Wigan weren’t even a League club.

City at that time were a strong side, with legends such as Colin Bell, Francis Lee, Mike Summerbee and crucially, ex-United hero Denis Law, who had moved to the Maine Rd. club the previous year. Manchester derbies are emotionally charged affairs at any time, but with relegation looming over Old Trafford, this one was positively tumultuous. Law admitted afterwards that he hadn’t wanted to play in the game, perhaps fearing a disastrous outcome for the club where he had spent 11 years. He was right. With five minutes remaining, he scored the only goal of the game, with probably the most famous backheel in English league history. Significantly, he refused to celebrate.

Immediately, United fans began to pour onto the pitch in an effort to get the game halted. (This was only a month after Newcastle fans had done the same when they were losing an FA Cup game). The referee took both teams off the pitch, but not before someone had draped a United scarf around Denis. With no prospect of a quick re-start to the game, the ref decided to abandon it – particularly as he had heard that a win for fourth-bottom Birmingham had made United’s task hopeless. A few days later, the Football League decided the result should stand, by which time United were officially relegated. The match thus became the only unfinished English league game in modern times.

Denis Law never scored another goal in first-class football. How ironic that his last should be against the club where he is revered to this day: a statue of him was unveiled at Old Trafford last year. He had fans far from Manchester too - a football-obsessed Dutch couple named their son after him, but the births registrar, deciding that a one-n Denis was too close to Denise, told the father “You’ll need to change the spelling, Mr. Bergkamp”.

Until next week, pals, look after yourselves

Regards,
Prof. Statto