Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

The Pressure Mounts

Arsenal 3 - Burnley 1

Arsenal close with Chelsea after eventually seeing off the travel-sick Clarets at the Emirates'. Cesc Fabregas opened the scoring just after the half hour when he popped Samir Nasri's excellent chipped pass through the legs of Brian Jensen. The Spaniard, however, was forced to leave the field soon after with a recurrence of his ongoing hamstring problem and Burnley took advantage to pull a goal back against the run of play, as David Nugent lobbed Manuel Almunia. The home side carved out plenty of chances, though found striker Nicklas Bendnter in comedic form as the Dane spurned opportunity after opportunity in front of goal. Nevertheless, Theo Walcott found the corner of the net with a good finish with half an hour left and Andrei Arshavin grabbed a late goal to ensure the final scoreline more accurately reflected the game. Arsenal have recovered well to put themselves back in contention for the title but Burnley are in all kinds of trouble at the bottom.

Burnley v Stoke City (Play Wednesday, report follows)

Everton 5 - Hull City 1

Everton thrash Hull to continue their unlikely push for Europe. The Tigers' away record is almost as bad as Burnley's but they started reasonably brightly at Goodison and Richard Garcia passed up a chance to take the lead, before Mikel Arteta volleyed home Yakubu's cross at the back post to put the home side in front on the quarter hour. Yakubu then missed from the spot after he'd been brought down by Kemal Zayette and his side were punished when Tom Cairney smashed home a volley from just outside the area with half an hour gone. It only took seven minutes for the Toffees to regain the lead, though, as Arteta finished in style from Steven Pienaar's cute back-heel. The Spaniard was heavily involved in his side's third, five minutes after the break, when the clumsy Garcia clownishly headed the midfielder's cross into his own net with Boaz Myhill stranded. With Yakubu obviously working from the text of Nicklas Bendtner's "Finishing For Dummies" DVD, it was left up to Landon Donovan to show him how it was done with a rasping right-foot drive ten minutes before the end. Jack Rodwell then popped up with five minutes remaining to bring up the nap hand in despatching Donovan's pass beyong Myhill and to have the Everton fans thinking what could have been this year had Arteta, in particular, been available all season.

Portsmouth v Birmingham (Play Tuesday, report follows)

Sunderland v Bolton Wanderers (Play Tuesday, report follows)

West Ham United 1 - Bolton Wanderers 2

Bolton grab a vital win to drag West Ham right back into the mire at the foot of the table. Wanderers have been finding it difficult to score goals on the road but it only took ten minutes for Kevin Davies to give them a lead with a powerful header after James Tomkins misjudged Chung Yong Lee's right wing cross. The out-of-sorts Tomkins did even worse five minutes later, when he allowed Davies to hook the ball away as the defender attempted to shepherd it out for a goal kick. Davies's pass found Tamir Cohen, who in turn played in Jack Wilshire for his first Bolton goal. Alessandro Diamanti provided the Hammers' main threat but only from set pieces and they were lucky not to go further behind when Bolton's next chance fell to the beyond-woeful Johan Elmander. United only really got into the game after Cohen was dimissed for a second yellow card in the second half and finally got a goal back with two minutes left through Diamanti's fierce curling drive. They could even have grabbed an equaliser, only for Junior Stanislas to see his powerful shot crash back off the bar, but a point would have been undeserved and they now need to look to pick up something from home derbies against Chelsea and Arsenal.

Wigan Athletic 1 - Liverpool 0

Wigan pick up an important and deserved win at the DW Stadium against a struggling Liverpool. The visitors looked to sit deep, launching long passes to try and release Fernando Torres and the Latics initially struggled to get hold of the ball. However, as the first half wore on, Wigan assumed control, with the impressive Charles N'Zogbia a constant threat. Just after the half hour, they took a deserved lead after Emerson Boyce pounced on a Dirk Kuyt mistake to sling in a cross with the outside of his right foot. Hugo Rodallega lost his marker in the box to beat Pepe Reina with a classy finish. The Reds were able to introduce the fit-again Glen Johnson in the second half but Wigan came closest to scoring again when Marcelo Moreno's fortunate ricochet had to be headed over his own bar by Sotirios Kyrgiakos. The hosts came close again when N'Zogbia raced free, only for Reina to do well to block his shot, with Johnson sliding in to prevent Paul Scharner from converting at the far post. As much as Liverpool could muster in reply were a couple of half-chances for Torres but even the Spaniard, understandably short of match fitness, struggled to do very much with them. The battle for fourth is every bit as tight as that for first.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 0 - Manchester United 1

Manchester United go back top after just edging out Wolves at Molineux. With Mick McCarthy putting out his first team this time, United were made to work very hard for the three points by a Wanderers side who battled for everything but still struggled to create a clear-cut chance. Stephen Ward spurned the best his side could offer when he headed Matt Jarvis's cross tamely at Edwin van der Sar when it really looked easier to score. Wolves were doing well in denying opportunities to their visitors, though, and United looked largely bereft of creative spark until Paul Scholes enjoyed the run of the ball to finally break the deadlock with a quarter of an hour left. Once ahead, the Mancunians relaxed and made a couple of chances to score more but it was the home side who turned up a gilt-edged chance to earn a point when Sam Vokes gave pub players everywhere a bad name when shanking over the bar from seven yards with the goal at his mercy. Just how important that miss will prove to be is anyone's guess.