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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

World Cup Denouement.... World Cup 2nd Round.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 3.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 2.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 1

Blackpool Start With A Bang

 

Aston Villa 3 - West Ham United 0

Aston Villa make light of the departure of Martin O'Neill and see off the Hammers in comprehensive fashion at Villa Park. The home side were all over a poor West Ham like a rash from the start and took the lead on the quarter hour when the offside Stuart Downing was allowed to turn home the loose ball after Robert Green had parried a Marc Albrighton effort. Five minutes before half time and Stylian Petrov arrived late to bullet a header past Green from Ashley Young's cross and the game was all but over. James Milner in all likelihood signed off on his Villa career with a sixty-sixth minute goal, hammering the ball into the bottom corner from the impressive Albrighton's lay-off, before being substituted to a standing ovation. All in all, a good day at the office for the Birmingham side but Avram Grant looks to have plenty of work to do in East London.

 

Blackburn Rovers 1 - Everton 0

A Tim Howard ricket helps Blackburn to an opening-day win against the Toffees. Rovers' home form was a major reason behind their comparative success last season and they enjoyed a largely untroubled opening period, despite the visitors enjoying plenty of possession in the middle of the park. What proved to be the winner came on fourteen minutes, when Howard inexplicably dropped the ball after coming out to gather and Nikola Kalinic reacted sharply to turn the ball into the net. Everton pushed hard as the first period wore on but the half-time whistle came too early for them and it was Blackburn who regained the initiative after the restart. Some committed defending kept out Dinyar Bilyaletdinov during a scamble in the area and Paul Robinson had to pull off a late save to deny Phil Jagielka but, otherwise, Blackburn looked comfortable in securing the win.

 

Bolton Wanderers 0 - Fulham 0

Honours even at the Reebok Stadium as rookie keeper David Stockdale shines for Fulham. In a fairly evenly-contested game, the young keeper denied Johan Elmander on a handful of occasions after being given his chance amid ongoing uncertainty surrounding Mark Schwarzer's future at the club. Wanderers created the more chances during the game, with Martin Petrov impressive on his Trotters' debut, but were unable to break through a Cottagers' rear-guard that promises to be just as stubborn under their new manager as the previous incumbent. Certainly, Owen Coyle will have been the more disappointed manager with the draw but his side's performance augurs well for the season and both gaffers can be reasonably satisfied with the day's work.

 

Chelsea 6 - West Bromwich Albion 0

The Blues pick up their season where they left off the last campaign by hammering the Baggies at Stamford Bridge. Chelsea went ahead in the sixth minute, when Scott Carson made a cods of gathering a Didier Drogba free kick. Though he was able to partially block Jon Mikel Obi's effort on the follow-up, the ball fell to Florent Malouda, who made no mistake from six yards. It was from another free-kick that Chelsea doubled their advantage on the stroke of half-time, Drogba's effort passing between Chris Brunt and Gabriel Tamas in the Albion wall before bouncing in front of, then over, the surprised Carson. Ten minutes after the restart and it was three, Youssuf Mulumbu able to block John Terry's header on the line from a corner but unable to do anything to prevent Drogba finding the net on the follow-up. The fourth came just eight minutes later; Frank Lampard getting in on the act by steering home at the end of a slick move involving Nicolas Anelka and Ashley Cole. Drogba completed his hat-trick five minutes later, when his effort from wide caught a major deflection off Tamas which took it past the hapless Carson, and Malouda doubled his own tally in the final minute, shooting home after collecting Anelka's pass. It was a tough return to the Bridge for former favourite Roberto di Matteo but Carlo Ancelotti's side have started with a clear statement of intent.

 

Liverpool 1 - Arsenal 1

Arsenal grab a late equaliser against ten-man Liverpool to avoid an opening day defeat at Anfield. The visitors enoyed the lion's share of possession in the first half without doing an awful lot with it and it was the home side who produced the better chances, with Glen Johnson and David Ngog going close. The hosts suffered a setback just before half time when Joe Cole saw red for a late challenge on Laurent Koscielny, which saw the centre-back stretchered off ... only to return in time for the second half. The Reds started the second period with a bang, as Javier Mascherano intercepted a poor ball out of defence from Jack Wilshire and played in Ngog to thrash a shot through Manuel Almunia into the roof of the net. The Gunners huffed and puffed a bit from there on in but weren't really able to cause Liverpool any real problems until the final minute, when Pepe Reina was beaten to a high ball by Marouane Chamakh and spilled the ball into his own net as he tried to collect it as it came back off the post. By that time, Koscielny himself had been sent off (ostensibly for two red cards but we all suspect it was for being a wuss) and Daniel Agger was battling on with concussion (certainly not being a wuss). That all serves to make the game sound more interesting than it was but the upshot is neither side will be too despondent, nor too elated, with the draw.

 

Manchester United 3 - Newcastle United 0

Manchester United stroll to a comfortable win against Newcastle at Old Trafford. Andy Carroll headed a first-half chance wide for the visitors but, otherwise, it was largely all the home side and they took the lead just after the half hour mark. Joey Barton played Jonas Gutierrez into trouble and, after the midfielder was dispossessed by Antoinio Valencia, Paul Scholes threaded through a pass Luis Enrique just failed to cut out and Dimitar Berbatov buried in the far corner. The deadlock broken, the Red Devils looked even more comfortable than they had in the game's opening spell and they doubled their lead five minutes before half time, as Darren Fletcher turned home the loose ball after Wayne Rooney had miscontrolled Patrice Evra's awkward cross. Berbatov spurned a couple of chances during a second period perhaps understandably lacking in some urgency and it took until five minutes from time for the Mancunians to score again. On a sub to extend his ever-present record in the Premier League, Ryan Giggs produced a controlled volley from Scholes's clever through ball to ensure he also extended his record of having scored in every campaign. It looks at this admittedly early stage as if both last season's top two will be there or thereabouts come next May.

 

Sunderland 2 - Birmingham City 2

City stage a late recovery to come back from two goals down against ten-man Sunderland. The Black Cats started the first half in dominant form and were ahead after twenty-four minutes. Stephen Carr brought down Frazier Campbell as the striker raced onto Darren Bent's through ball and, though the infringement looked to take place just outside the area, the linesman flagged for a penalty that referee Anthony Taylor duly gave. Darren Bent made no mistake from the spot. Sunderland suffered a setback just before half time when Lee Cattermole, already lucky to be on the pitch after a flying elbow had opened up Gary O'Connor's head earlier in the half, earned a second yellow card for a typically brainless challenge from behind on Lee Bowyer. The home side initially made light of their numerical disadvantage and doubled their lead ten minutes after the restart when Carr, clearly relishing his return to the North-East, looped his defenisve header over the stranded Ben Foster and into his own net. With a quarter of an hour remaining, however, the Blues found a way back into the game with Scott Dann heading a Sebastian Larsson free-kick down and through the legs of keeper Simon Mignolet. Bouyed by the goal and a man up, the vistors slowly started to overrun their hosts and, with three minutes left, Liam Ridgewell and/or any number of Sunderland defenders deflected a soft shot into the corner of the net from another Larsson free kick. Tough on Steve Bruce, probably still busy deep into Saturday evening tearing Cattermole a new one, but Alex McLeish won't be complaining as his side looks to live up to their exploits of last year.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 0 - Manchester City 0

Joe Hart produces a top class performance to keep out Spurs as City start their campaign with a point in North London. Roberto Mancini, despite the talent available to him, again underlined his basic conservatism by lining up with three holding midfielders at White Hart Lane. The tactic served to invite a fired-up Spurs onto them and the first half proved to be one-way traffic. That the home side weren't able to make full use of their superiority was down to Hart, who took the opportunity to displace Shay Given in the Citizens' first eleven with both hands. Spectacular stops to deny Jermain Defoe, Tom Huddlestone and Benoit Assou-Ekotto kept his side in it and when he was beaten, Gareth Bale's stinging effort came back off the post. Bale should have done much better with a chance in the second half, only to skew the loose ball wide of his just-about existent right foot, and substitute Roman Pavlyuchenko was only able to produce a couple of tame efforts when presented with chances late on, so the Mancunians were able to head home with their mission accomplished. Such a glaring and obvious lack of ambition, however, doesn't particularly underline City as credible title candidates.

 

Wigan Athletic 0 - Blackpool 4

Premier League new boys Blackpool celebrate their return to the top flight with a thorough mauling of the Latics. The Tangerines started brightly and, had Brett Ormerod showed more composure, could already have been ahead before Gary Taylor-Fletcher converted Marlon Harewood's cross at the back post on sixteen minutes. Harewood doubled the seasiders' lead on thirty-eight minutes, when Chris Kirkland could only get fingertips to the debutant's long-range strike as it flew past him, and was then on hand shortly before the break to tuck away the loose ball after Kirkland could only parry Elliott Grandin's shot. It was a dream first forty-five minutes for the travelling fans, though the home supporters were letting their very different views known to the Wigan management in no uncertain fashion. Their mood certainly wouldn't have been helped any on seventy-five minutes, when Kirkland was comically beaten at his near post by Alex Baptiste's mis-hit cross from the right wing, and the goal proved the cue for a steady stream of punters out of the DW Stadium. Universally tipped for the drop by every man and his dog, Blackpool found themselves top of the league before Chelsea's evening kick off.  I have no wish to rain on their parade but the suspicion lingers they've started their campaign against the one side in this division who'll finish below them.

 

Wolverhampton Wanderers 2 - Stoke City 1

Wolves kick off a campaign with an opening-day win for the first time in nine years, as they see off Stoke. The visitors started brightly, with new man Kenwyne Jones clearly determined to impress on his debut. The Trinidadian was lively and saw one effort crash back off the bar after a surging run but only lasted fourteen minutes before a sliding Jody Craddock challenge saw him carried from the field. The setback seemed to temporarily deflate City and Wanderers took the momentum, eventually leading to their opening goal on thirty-seven minutes. Dean Whitehead brought down Kevin Foley on the edge of the Potters' area and David Jones flicked up Karl Henry's rolled free-kick before volleying the ball beyond Thomas Sorensen. City had been given no time to recover before finding themselves two down. Christophe Berra battled for a ball on the right of the penalty area and, when the ball looped up and over Sorensen, Steven Fletcher was there to head home from on the goal-line. Stoke came out strongly for the second half and pulled a goal back after nine minutes, with Abdoulaye Faye heading in Matthew Etherington's corner. Despite their efforts, they were unable to make a further breakthrough and Wolves held on for the three points.