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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

Round Thirty-One.... Round Thirty.... Round Twenty-Nine.... Round Twenty-Eight.... Round Twenty-Seven.... Round Twenty-Six

Seasiders Continue To Slip

Blackpool went down at home to Arsenal to finish the weekend just one place and one point outside the drop zone. The Gunners moved to within seven points of leaders Manchester United and enjoyed a dominant first half at Bloomfield Road. Abou Diaby put them in front on eighteen minutes, turning home Robin van Persie's cross after the Dutchman was gifted too much space by the home defence. Emmanuel Eboue doubled the lead just three minutes later, surging into the area before hammering a rising drive past Richard Kingson. The Tangerines came out after the break meaning business and reduced the arrears seven minutes into the second period. Luke Varney surged out of midfield and the ball was then slipped through to DJ Campbell by Jason Puncheon. Though the striker was brought down in the area by Jens Lehmann, the loose ball ran kindly to Gary Taylor-Fletcher to tuck into the bottom corner. It would have been an interesting proposition had the striker simply stopped - with Lehmann likely to come a cropper under the DOGSO ruling and the keeper only starting due to Manuel Almunia crocking himself during the warm-up - but referee Lee Mason was able to play advantage and everyone was happy. The home side were far less enamoured of the referee just moments later, as Laurent Koscielny clattered through Taylor-Fletcher in the box and was hugely fortunate to escape without conceding the penalty that should have been given. The Londoners made the most of their reprieve - and FIFA's ridiculous tampering with the hitherto universally-understood offside law - twenty minutes before the end. Though four yards offside and, logically, gaining an advantage by being four yards clear of the covering defence when Cesc Fabregas's flick sent Theo Walcott down the wing, van Persie was able to tuck away the winger's low cross during the so-called "second phase of play" and make the game safe. Someone in Geneva needs to drag themselves away from the buffet table and revisit the rule book.

Wolves' recent woes continued as they were duffed up at Molineux by Everton. The home side started extremely brightly and for the first twenty minutes, there was only one team in it. However, that changed in the twenty-first minute when Jermaine Beckford ghosted ahead of Christophe Berra to flick a header beyond Wayne Hennesey from Leon Osman's excellent cross. The home side went close to an equaliser, with Phil Jagielka producing a last-minute block to deny Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, only to then see the Toffees go two-up five minutes before the break. George Elokobi misdirected his header from an Osman corner and, though Hennessey pulled off a great stop, Beckford was able to lay the ball back for Phil Neville to unleash a ferocious drive into the top corner from outside the area. Yes, Phil Neville, really. Any lingering hopes the hosts had of getting back into the game were then dashed on the stroke of half-time. Diniyar Bilyaletdinov latched onto Jamie O'Hara's lax pass and, as comic double act Berra and Richard Stearman backed off like Bambi on ice, fair welted a left-footer into the net past the despairing Hennessey. Crackerjack. There was no way back for Mick McCarthy's side, who now have a fair amount of work to do.

Not quite as much work as lies ahead for Wigan. The Latics remain stuck to the bottom after a narrow defeat at Stamford Bridge. Athletic showed plenty of resilience in South-West London, largely holding the defending champions at bay for most of the first period and intermittently threatening on the counter. Florent Malouda had gone close a couple of times for the Blues, only to be denied by Ali Al-Habsi, and it was he who broke the deadlock with twenty-five minutes left, drilling home the loose ball with the keeper clearly hampered by Fernando Torres's million pound elbow. Torres himself went close again without scoring - Al-Habsi denying him with a great stop late on - which will no doubt lead to another couple of thousand column inches in the British press. Franco di Santo went close to snatching an equaliser against his old club late on, forcing a save out of Petr Cech, but luck wasn't on his team's side.

West Ham are the last of the three sides in the relegation zone and, after some improved recent results, took a caning at the Reebok. On-loan Daniel Sturridge looks like a man with a point to prove to his employers and the young striker got his side underway shortly before the quarter-hour, curling a glorious effort beyond Robert Green and into the top corner. Chung Young-Lee doubled the Trotters' advantage on twenty minutes, spraying the ball wide to Martin Petrov before charging into the area to head home the Bulgarian's return cross. The first half had been a thoroughly one-sided affair and things got worse for the Hammers six minutes after the break. Sturridge picked up the ball out on the left wing and jinked his way inside before finding the bottom corner with a low shot. Three up and Wanderers took their foot off the gas a little, allowing the Eastenders to finally mount a couple of attacks. Demba Ba saw a drive cannon back off a post and Manuel da Costa's effort was cleared off the line but, truly, the game was already up and both sides knew it.

Aston Villa eased their own relegation fears with a much-needed home win against Newcastle. The home side started a little nervously but were ahead against the run of play on twenty-four minutes. Ashley Young went down easily under a challenge from the self-proclaimed best midfielder in England and,with Joey Barton (for it is he) still grumbling, Young swung the resultant free-kick onto the head of James Collins to flick an exceptional header past Steve Harper. The Villans then believed they should have had a second, with Darren Bent converting Jean Makoun's clever through ball before being flagged as narrowly offside. They nonetheless managed to see out the rest of the game quite comfortably,with the Magpies really only exerting any pressure on the home goal in the dying stages.

City rivals Birmingham, meanwhile, edged just a little closer to safety after picking up an away point at Blackburn. The offside-looking Lee Bowyer put the visitors ahead just after the half-hour, tapping in Camerone Jerome's dinked pass over the sprawling Paul Robinson. Rovers went all-out for an equaliser and, after a let-off when Sebastien Larsson's free-kick came back off the upright, were level in first-half injury time. Liam Ridgewell was caught in possession by David Hoilett, who took the ball on to score past Ben Foster. The second half was largely a scrap between two sides desperate for points, punctuated occasionally by half-chances on goal. Honours even.

Sunderland find themselves being dragged inexorably into a relegation fight and their cause wasn't helped by a home defeat at the hands of the in-form West Brom. The Black Cats took the lead on ten minutes, with Nicky Shorey doing them a favour by heading Asamoah Gyan's whipped cross into his own net. Albion were back on level terms shortly before the half-hour; Jonas Olsson climbing highest to nod down Jerome Thomas's deflected cross and Peter Odemwingie sliding in to convert from close in. Just two and half minutes later, the home side restored their lead, as Phil Bardsley unleashed a trademark screamer into the top corner. The Baggies are hard to beat at the moment, though, and parity was restored for the second time ten minutes into the second half. Youssef Mulumbu drove into the Sunderland half and exchanged passes with Odemwingie before poking a shot inside Simon Mignolet's far post. With eighteen minutes to go, Albion got what proved to be the winner. Chris Brunt sent Odemwingie away in the area and Paul Scharner was on hand to convert the striker's pull-back, sweeping the ball into the corner from ten yards. The win sees Roy Hodgson's side leapfrog their opponents and Steve Bruce will now be looking over his shoulder.

Similar worries will be besetting Tony Pulis at the Britannia after Stoke got the smaller share of five goals at White Hart Lane. In a breathless first half, mid-week villain Peter Crouch had the home side in front when heading in Roman Pavlyuchenko's zipped cross from a short corner routine. When Luka Modric collected Pavlyuchenko's reverse ball before surging through the Potters' defence and beating Asmir Begovic before twenty minutes were on the clock, it looked as if it was going to be a comfortable Spurs' win. Matthew Etherington changed that, trailing the labouring Tom Huddlestone in his wake as he surged down the wing before beating Huerelho Gomes from an acute angle on twenty-seven minutes. Seven minutes later, Huddlestone was able to atone when landing a first-time cross onto Crouch's head for the striker to bag his second. City came back again, with Kenwyne Jones rifling a left-footed effot into the top corner five minutes before the break. Stoke should have then drawn level early in the second half, only for Jonathon Walters to slide his effort off the post when it looked easier to score. Spurs held on to the win, which leaves them just three points behind Manchester City and that crucial fourth place.

City themselves were taken apart at Anfield to keep adrenaline levels high at Eastlands. Andy Carroll's stinging left-foot drive just before the quarter hour set the Reds on their way and they never looked like relinquishing their lead from that moment on. Ten minutes before the break, Dirk Kuyt latched on to a loose ball in the area to steer a finish past Joe Hart. A minute later, Carroll headed a second when he beat Aleksander Kolarov to Raul Mereiles's peach of a cross. City weren't at the races and, to add to their angst, talisman Carlos Tevez was forced to leave the field with what looked like a hamstring injury. The home side closed out the game in the second period with little fuss and it was a performance that might just see their caretaker manager handed the job full-time.

At the top, Manchester United pickd up a regulation win against hodophobic Fulham at Old Trafford that keeps them comfortably on track for that nineteenth title. Dimitar Berbatov looked to be fractionally offside when he collected Nani's pass in the twelth minute but, with the linesman giving him the benefit of the doubt, was able to steer his finish beyond Mark Schwarzer. The game was over as a real contest shortly after the half-hour, as Aaron Hughes could only block Nani's effort onto the head of Luis Antonio Valencia, who couldn't miss. Substitute Eidur Gudjohnsen came closest for the visitors when Thomas Kuszczak tipped his drive acrobatically over the bar but this result was never in very much doubt.

Full results

Aston Villa 1 - Newcastle United 0

Blackburn Rovers 1 - Birmingham City 1

Blackpool 1 - Arsenal 3

Bolton Wanderers 3 - West Ham United 0

Chelsea 1 - Wigan Athletic 0

Liverpool 3 - Manchester City 0

Manchester United 2 - Fulham 0

Sunderland 2 - West Bromwich Albion 3

Tottenham Hotspur 3 - Stoke City 2

Wolverhampton Wanderers 0 - Everton 3