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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

Round Twenty-Six.... Round Twenty-Four.... Round Twenty-Three.... Round Twenty-Two.... Round Twenty-One.... Round Twenty

Flogging A Two-Horse Race

Round twenty-seven saw the candidates for the Premier League title whittled down to two.

In the Manchester derby, Wayne Rooney spent most of the match in his guise as the clumsy galumph we've grown to know over the last year. A typically over-hit lay-off almost brought a United attack to a premature end in the seventy-eighth minute, only for the striker to redeem himself in spectacular fashion by fashioning an overhead, volleyed finish from Nani's deflected cross moments later. The goal was the third in a fairly evenly-balanced contest, with Nani's fortieth-minute strike cancelled out by David Silva's outrageously lucky deflection, and it proved to be the winner. The win puts the Red Devils eight points clear of their City neighbours and surely out of touch. They may well already be looking over their shoulders to check on the progress of Spurs and Chelsea.

The only realistic challengers to the Mancunians are now the flaky boys of Arsenal. Visitors Wolves have taken a handful of major scalps this season but were never in the running at the Emirates, where a pair of Robin van Persie goals saw the home side take the points comfortably. The Dutchman volleyed his first after a quarter of an hour before cracking home Theo Walcott's lay-off on fifty-six minutes to make the game safe after Wayne Hennesey's heroics had threatened to frustrate them.

Defending champions Chelsea were held to a goalless draw at Craven Cottage: the Blues' attack once more looking utterly bereft of ideas, other than Salomon Kalou's scampering disappearance act up a seemingly infinite number of cul-de-sacs (or is it culs-de-sac?) . A clean sheet was eventually kept only thanks to Petr Cech's last-minute penalty save to deny Clint Dempsey, though a win would have been extremely generous to a Fulham side who closed down admirably but showed little intention to take the game to their near-neighbours. Chelsea now find themselves in a shoot-out with Man City and Tottenham for the two remaining Wongathon Cup tickets.

Tottenham took advantage of their London rivals' slip-up to move into fourth after a good win at the Stadium of Light. Centre-back William Gallas was off the field wrestling with a pair of day-glo footwear when Asamoah Gyan put the home side ahead with a classy turn and finish. Michael Dawson headed the Lillywhites level just before half-time, however, and the back-in-favour Niko Kranjcar volleyed a glorious winner ten minutes into the second period, to leave Harry Redknapp thanking his lucky sovereign he failed to flog the Croatian off in January.

At the botom, West Ham and West Bromwich Albion staged a "who's got the shoddiest defence?" competition in the Midlands. The Hammers looked racing certainties for the award after their shambling excuse for a backline helped their hosts into a three goal lead, with a stonking Graham Dorrans effort opening their account. The Baggies weren't going to make life easy for themselves, though, and went on collective walkabout as the Eastenders fought back to grab a draw, with Demba Ba grabbing a brace on his debut to give the fans some hope of avoiding the drop.

Meanwhile, Wigan kept pace with their fellow "W"s by taking a deserved point away from Anfield, with a typically well-executed Raul Meireles finish cancelled out by Steven Gouhori's close-range prod. The Latics fought hard for their point and did enough to put a slight ding into Liverpool's recent surge up the table. The Reds loiter in sixth and currently look odds-on to stay there.

Blackpool, too, picked up a point from a committed home draw against Aston Villa; Elliott Grandin flicking home a fourteenth-minute near post header to cancel out Gabriel Agbonlahor's tenth-minute opener. A much-needed draw it was, too, bringing their five game losing streak to an end in another incident-packed game for the Tangerines. Villa midfielder Jean Makoun became the latest midfielder to be sent to "tackle camp" this season after a brainless double-footer on DJ Campbell.

It was Birmingham City who proved to be the winners of the weekend in the table's nether regions, with Nikola Zigic's late, late header enough to nick all three points against Stoke at the end of a misconceived monstrosity of a game at St. Andrew's. If Quasimodo had been a football game, he'd have been this one. 

It all proved very bad news for Everton, who are now very much back in the mix after going down two-nil at Bolton. Gary Cahill and Daniel Sturridge got the goals and Sturridge clearly feels he has a point to prove with the management at his parent club. The youngster delivered a busy performance on his way to his third goal in three games for Wanderers.

Newcastle kept themselves out of the mire for at least another week with a goalless draw at Ewood Park that was the least they deserved, with Blackburn keeper Paul Robinson earning his wages for the week. Rovers were doughty in defence but would have been happy to hear the final whistle.

So with the potential winners narrowed down, it's again to the bottom of the table where we need to look for excitement. With just six points separating tenth from eighteenth, there are still a lot of clubs in danger and forty points may not prove enough to survive this year. It could prove to be an interesting couple of months.

Full results:

Arsenal 2 - Wolvershampton Wanderers 0

Birmingham City 1 - Stoke City 0

Blackburn Rovers 0 - Newcastle United 0

Blackpool 1 - Aston Villa 1

Bolton Wanderers 2 - Everton 0

Fulham 0 - Chelsea 0

Liverpool 1 - Wigan Athletic 1

Manchester United 2  - Manchester City 1

Sunderland 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 2

West Bromwich Albion 3 - West Ham United 3