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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

Round Twenty-Five.... Round Twenty-Four.... Round Twenty-Three.... Round Twenty-Two A.... Round Twenty-Two

Tight At Top And Bottom

 

Arsenal 1 - Liverpool 0

Arsenal recover from their high-profile loss at the weekend to close the gap to the top back to six points. An utterly dreadful first half saw the Londoners unable to break down a well-organised Liverpool defence and the half-time whistle couldn't come soon enough. Happily, the second half was a little more open, though both sides were having trouble finding the target with any kind of attempt - Arshavin and Lucas missing the target, whilst David Ngog was dispossessed by an excellent William Gallas tackle and Thomas Risicky's control let him down badly when through on goal. The deadlock was finally broken twenty minutes from the end, as Abou Diaby found himself unmarked in the area to nod home Thomas Rosicky's cross. The Merseysiders pushed hard for an equaliser and the heavily-criticised Manuel Almunia did well to tip a Ryan Babel effort onto the bar but, ultimately, they ran out of time (and had referee Howard Webb miss a crafty Cesc Fabregas handball in the area) and are once again looking over their shoulders at Man City.

 

Aston Villa 1 - Manchester United 1

Villa fail to make their numerical advantage count against ten-man United. The home side started very well, with their wide men causing the visitors problems, and took the lead on twenty-minutes when Carlos Cuellar looped his header over Edwin van der Sar after a Stuart Downing cross had led to a scramble. The lead only lasted four minutes, as the in-form Nani found Ryan Giggs with a cross from the right and the veteran's drive was turned into his own net by James Collins - incredibly, the tenth own goal in United's favour this season. Nani didn't last much longer, rightfully seeing red after launching himself at Stylian Petrov, but Martin O'Neill's side couldn't capitalise. In fact, a Wayne Rooney drive, well-saved by Brad Friedel with quarter of an hour left was probably as close as either side came to scoring.

 

Blackburn Rovers 1 - Hull City 0

Rovers pick up another three points at Ewood Park to leave City just a point outside the drop zone. The home side had called Boaz Myhill into spectacular action a couple of times early on, before the unlucky goalkeeper saw Martin Olsson's drive from a narrow angle ricochet into the net off his heel with quarter of an hour gone. The Tigers have been in good form recently and were looking intermittently dangerous up front but were dealt a further blow five minutes before the interval when George Boateng was sent off. The decision looked a slightly harsh one, as the midfielder and Blackburn's Morten Gamst Pedersen appeared to clatter each other, and it swung the game further in the home side's favour as Hull manager Phil Brown withdrew striker Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink for Seyi Olofinjana in order to even-up the midfield once more. Despite reversing that move in the second half to introduce Amr Zaki, his side were unable to overturn the deficit and now sit seventeenth in the table.

 

Everton 2 - Chelsea 1

Everton come from behind to take a deserved win against the league leaders at Goodison. Chelsea started full of confidence on and were happy to pass the ball around in front of the massed Everton ranks but scored the opener from a text-book long-ball move with quarter of an hour gone. Petr Cech launched a huge kick downfield, Didier Drogba flicked it on and Florent Malouda buried it past Tim Howard. There's plenty of substance to the Toffees, though, and they worked hard to wrest control of the game, drawing level on the half hour when John Terry failed to track Louis Saha's run at a corner, allowing the striker to flick his header past Cech. When Ricardo Carvalho brought down Landon Donovan in the closing stages of the half, Saha had a chance to double his tally from the spot, only to see his poor effort beaten out by the Chelsea keeper. The impetus remained with the Merseysiders in the opening stages of the second half and Chelsea were just about holding out until Terry, again, misjudged a long launch forward by Sylvain Distin and Saha took advantage to thrash his finish past the helpless Cech. Try as they might, the Londoners couldn't recover in a scrappy but lively last fifteen minutes - Drogba coming closest when his header hit the bar - and this Premier League season looks destined to go right to the wire.

 

Fulham 3 - Burnley 0

Burnley's execrable away form continues at Craven Cottage, where Fulham take a comfortable win with the help of a couple of poor offside calls. Twenty minutes before half time, David Elm looked a good foot offside when he nodded Nicky Storey's lofted cross back to the onrushing Danny Murphy. No flag was raised, though, and the cultured midfielder was able to take the ball down on his chest before cracking a volley past the furious Brian Jensen. On the half-hour, Chris Baird sent a ball down the line that the marginally-offside Bobby Zamora raced after. Again, the linesman missed the call and again Burnley were made to pay when Jensen parried Zamora's effort straight to Elm to double his side's lead. In fairness, the Clarets weren't proving much of a threat and when Zamora planted a free-kick into the corner ten minutes into the second half, there could be no grumbling about the outcome. After a bright start, Burnley's season looks in danger of panning out the way the pundits expected, after all.

 

Manchester City 2 - Bolton Wanderers 0

City position themselves on Liverpool's shoulder as they approach the season's run-in. Carlos Tevez opened the scoring from the penalty spot after half an hour. The Trotters' Paul Robinson is always an incident waiting to happen and the hot-headed full-back should have known better than to dive in on the scampering Adam Johnson in the area. Tevez's spot-kick was desperately poor and straight at Jussi Jaaskelainen but luckily for the Argentine, the keeper had managed to discombobulate himself trying to play mind-games and could only watch the ball bounce off his shins and in. Bolton should have been awarded a penalty of their own shortly after, only for referee Michael Jones to bizarrely award a kick the other way after the deeply unimpressive Johan Elmander was clobbered by Kolo Toure. With fifteen minutes left, Emmanuel Adebayor made the game safe with a thunderous volley after taking down Patrick Vieira's pass and the Citizens look well-set. For now.

 

Portsmouth 1 - Sunderland 1

Battling Pompey strike late to grab a draw in what could yet turn out to be the last league match the club ever plays. Such is the ongoing shambles at Fratton Park, the 2008 FA Cup winners may be wound up next Friday on the request of the tax man but only the most one-eyed Southampton supporter could argue the players still pulling on the blue jersey aren't giving it everything, on the pitch at least, to try and ensure there's still some chance of survival, however slim. In typical fashion, they had to suffer an early blow when Ricardo Rocha was red-carded for clipping Darren Bent's heels when chasing back and Bent picked himself up to convert the kick. Portsmouth came and kept coming and an increasingly-flustered Lee Cattermole saw red with ten minutes left after a second crude challenge of the night had almost snapped Angelos Bassinos in half. David Meylor then joined him after stupidly elbowing Steve Finnan and the home side were able to make their advantage count deep into injury time when Aruna Dindane popped up at the far post to head home Jamie O'Hara's free-kick. Desperate stuff for desperate times.

 

West Ham United 2 - Birmingham City 0

The Gollivans return to haunt their former club as the Hammers notch a much-needed win at the Boleyn Ground. Alessandro Diamanti got them on their way on the stroke of half time. Scott Parker's surging run was brought to a premature end by an agricultural tackle from Scott Dann and Diamanti stepped up to send his free-kick into the top corner. City were burning their way through a lot of calories but were largely contained by the Eastenders and went two down twenty minutes into the second half. Make-shift full-back Julian Faubert showed a glimpse of what had famously interested Real Madrid when galloping down the right before zipping over the perfect cross for the fit-again Carlton Cole to bravely head home from close range. Gianfranco Zola's side move up to fourteenth, albeit just a point outside the relegation zone.

 

Wigan Athletic 1 - Stoke City 1

Wigan remain in trouble after City deny the Latics a vital win at the DW Stadium. Charles N'Zogbia was quickly into the action as Wigan enjoyed a bright start and when he was body-checked by Matthew Etherington on the quarter hour, the winger's delivery was headed in from the edge of the area by Paul Scharner. Stoke got better as the game wore on and Tuncay Sanli should have done much better with a chance early in the second half when he missed from all of ten feet. Hugo Rodallega almost doubled Wigan's lead with a cheeky overhead kick that bounced off the bar but it was City who got the next goal with a quarter of an hour left. Etherington received the ball after good work from Ricardo Fuller and picked out Tuncay, unmarked in the penalty area, to head the equaliser. As the clock ran down, it was the Potters who had the better chances to win the game, only for Mamady Sidibe's header to hit the bar and James Beattie's late strike to be well saved by a stretching Chris Kirkland. A point was the least the home side had deserved, however  ... but it's wins they need to start picking up. 

 

Wolverhampton Wanderers 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 0

Tottenham's Champions' League aspirations take another knock as Wolves complete the double over them. The hard-working Wanderers proved too much for a lacklustre Tottenham to cope with, though the Londoners had the best chance of the match when Niko Kranjcar was denied from twelve yards by Marcus Hahnemann. A scant five minutes later and Wolves took the lead when Dave Jones provided a clinical finish from Matt Jarvis's cross. They were never really threatened from that moment on, keeping their visitors at a comfortable distance for the remainder of the game. The win allows Mick McCarthy's side to climb out of the relegation zone, only by a point but a point may prove all that's needed.

 

Extra fixtures 

Stoke City 1 - Manchester City 1

Man City make hard work of squeezing a draw from 10-man Stoke. The home side had been dominant in the first half and were a continued threat from set piece opportunities the visitors kept handing them. The Potters' ambitions looked to have been dealt a blow ten minutes into the second half when Abdoulaye Faye clumsily bundled over Emmanuel Adebayor when the last man and saw red fro his troubles. However, it was Tony Pulis's side who nevertheless took the lead with twenty minutes left when Glenn Whelan scuffed an attempted Adam Johnson clearance back towards goal and saw it beat Shay Given. Gareth Barry bundled in an undeserved equaliser with five minutes left after an initial effort had come back off the post and, even then, Roberto Mancini's side were fortunate to see what looked like a legitimate last-minute winner from Ryan Shawcross chalked off for Reasons Mysterious. Still, it's enough for the Sky Blues to go fourth ... though whether they can stay there is another matter entirely.

 

Wigan Athletic 0 - Bolton Wanderers 0

Stalemate in the Lancashire derby at the DW Stadium. Playing in snow, hail and rain at various times, on a quagmire of a pitch, in the freezing cold, it was hardly surprising both sides struggled to provide much in the way of free-flowing football. The Latics had the better of things for much of the game, with Hugo Rodallega and Charles N'Zogbia, as ever, providing the main threat but ran out of steam a little towards the end and allowed Wanderers to fashion a couple of chances of their own. Matt Taylor, especially, failed to make the best of what opportunities did come their way to ensure the game stayed goalless, leaving Bolton stuck in the bottom three with Wigan just two points ahead of them.