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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

Round Twenty-Two.... Round Twenty-One.... Round Twenty.... Round Nineteen.... Round Eighteen.... Round Seventeen

Derby Day Draws

 

Birmingham City 1 - Aston Villa 1

The second city derby finishes all square to leave both rivals stuck in a relegation fight. Villa started the brighter and should have gone ahead as early as the first minute, only for Gabriel Agbonlahor to blaze over after being gifted the ball by Ben Foster. John Carew then struck the bar twice to ensure the first half finished goallless. Birmingham had slowly improved as the opening forty-five minutes wore on and it was they who took the lead four minutes into the second period, when Roger Johnson crashed home after David Johnson had touched Craig Gardner's weak free-kick to him. The Villans struck back with fifteen minutes left when Agbonlahor flicked on Marc Albrighton's cross and James Collins smashed the ball beyond Foster. Either side could then have gone on to win the game in a lively last quarter of an hour but the game finished all square, leaving both sides with plenty of work to do.

 

Chelsea 2 - Blackburn Rovers 0

Chelsea return to the top four after a comfortable home win against Blackburn. The home side were quick out of the blocks, with Ramires smacking an effort off the bar, but ran out of ideas toward the end of a first half in which their visitors had done well to frustrate them. The Blues upped their game after the interval and they were finally rewarded on fifty-seven minutes when John Terry flicked on Florent Malouda's corner for Branislav Ivanovic to fire past Paul Robinson. The Serbian international was involved again with fifteen minutes left, climbing highest to get his head to another corner, from which Nicolas Anelka poked the goal that made the game safe. The Londoners are showing signs things may be approaching normality but surely their extended blip has lost them any chance of defending their title.

 

Liverpool 2 - Everton 2

Liverpool come from behind to draw the Merseyside derby in Kenny Dalglish's first home game in charge in twenty years. Fernando Torres looked up for the fight for the home side and saw a good early effort come back off the post after already having tested Tim Howard. The Reds were ahead just before the half-hour, when Howard denied Dirk Kuyt twice before the ball came out to Raul Mereiles on the edge of the box. The Portuguese controlled the ball instantly before belting in a shot that left Howard helpless. The Toffees were level within a minute of the start of the second half, with Sylvain Distin left unmarked to head Mikel Arteta's corner past the covering Glen Johnson. Five minutes later and the away team had turned things around, as Jermaine Beckford outmuscled Mereiles to spank Leon Osman's lay-off into the corner of the net. The Reds weren't going to go down without a fight, though, and Kuyt brought them back level from the spot with twenty minutes left, after Howard had clattered into Maxi Rodriguez. Honours even.

 

Manchester City 4 - Wolverhampton Wanderers 3

Eastlands sees some real drama at last as City take the narrow win over Wolves that puts them level with their neighbours at the top of the table. Wanderers were positive and enjoyed the better of the first half, holding a thoroughly deserved one-nil lead until five minutes before the interval. The goal had come from Nenad Milijas, reacting sharply to jab the loose ball over the line after Joe Hart had saved his initial effort, and the visitors could probably have had another before Kolo Toure drove in an effort when they failed to clear a corner. Four minutes into the second period and the home side took the lead, as Carlos Tevez jinked his way through the Wolves defence before beating Wayne Hennesey. Five minutes later and Yaya Toure put the Sky Blues two up when he converted Edin Dzeko's perfect pass at the end of a flowing move the Ivorian had started. When Tevez then headed Alexander Kolarov's cross in off the bar to make it four, the game looked safe. However, with twenty minutes remaining, ex-Wanderer Joleon Lescott flattened Kevin Doyle in the area and the Irishman picked himself up to convert the spot kick. Ronald Zubar then got a third, when it actually looked as if Nigel de Jong had cleared the ball, to set up a tense finish but a fourth goal was to prove beyond the Black Country side.

 

Stoke City 2 - Bolton Wanderers 0

Stoke extend Bolton's recent run of poor form by comfortably beating them at the Britannia. It's been many years since a Bolton midfield was outmuscled as comprehensively as they were here and the visitors were under constant pressure before City went ahead on thirty-seven minutes; Danny Higginbotham scrambling the ball into the net at the far post after Johan Elmander's inadvertant fick on. Wanderers improved after the break but were caught on the counter on the hour, with Matthew Etherington flying past Zat Knight before the defender brought him down in the area. The winger took the kick himself and, though he failed to catch it cleanly, Jussi Jasskelainen just failed to keep it out at his left post. The Potters move up to eighth.

 

Sunderland 1 - Newcastle United 1

Sunderland bag a late equaliser to take a share of the spoils in the Tyne-Wear derby at the Stadium of Light. Shola Ameobi and Darren Bent exchanged early missed opportunities in a frantic affair as the first half ended goalless. The second half showed an improvement in the quality of football on show and Kevin Nolan put the Magpies ahead after seven minutes, flicking Ameobi's header past Craig Gordon. The Newcastle defence were standing firm and it was looking as if the Tynesiders were on course to double their neighbours but there was to be a twist in the tail. Four minutes into extra time, Steve Harper parried Phil Bardsley's long-range shot and the ball ricocheted onto Asamoah Gyan, rebounding into the Newcastle net. Fortunate for the Black Cats but a positive start to the season is extended for both sides.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 0 - Manchester United 0

Ten-man Manchester United are able to hold out for a draw at White Hart Lane. In a bright start, Wayne Rooney shot wide after striding past William Gallas and Peter Crouch steered his volley narrowly wide for the home side. The game went off the boil a litle after the early flurry, though Rafael van der Vaart should have done better with a header just before the break and Rooney forced a good stop from Huerelho Gomes. Rafael da Silva saw red with a quarter of an hour left, fo a second yellow, but Tottenham were unable to make their extra numbers count and the game ran out to a draw that suits the away side far better than the home one.

 

West Bromwich Albion 3 - Blackpool 2

West Brom register a much-needed hoem win against Blackpool. The Seasiders are always positive and, with their hosts looking slightly nervous, they were ahead on eleven minutes as David Vaughan larruped home from the edge of the area after a corner was only half cleared. The goal shook the Baggies from their lethargy and they responded well, being rewarded for their pressure eight minutes before the break when Peter Odomwingie ran onto Graham Dorrans's pass and found the corner of the net. The second period was equally as action-packed and DJ Campbell could have put the Tangerines ahead before James Morrison scored a second for the home side, latching onto the ball after Richard Kingson could only parry Jerome Thomas's cross into his path. Kingson then made amends with a couple of good stops to keep his side in it and Gary Taylor-Fletcher equalised with ten minutes left when he volleyed in Matt Phillips's cross. The drama wasn't done, however, and with three minutes left Odomwingie raced onto a long ball over the top to tank home the winner.

 

West Ham United 0 - Arsenal 3

Toothless West Ham roll over for Arsenal at Upton park. A funereal Boleyn Ground played host to a disastrous debut performance from Wayne Bridge but a smoothly professional one from the Gunners. The Man City loanee was skinned on thirteen minutes, with Theo Walcott breezing past him on the right before sending in a low cross Samir Nasri dummied and Robin van Persie steered home. The Hammers briefly flickered, Carlton Cole denied by a brave stop from Wojciech Szceszny after a mistake from Johan Djourou, but were second-best throughout and were two down five minutes before half time when Walcott steered the ball into the net from van Persie's pull back after the Dutchman had been played onside by the dozing Bridge. It was all too easy for Arsenal and the full-back's night was made complete with a quarter of an hour left when he tripped Walcott in the box and van Persie converted from the spot. West Ham won't be relegated on this result but their performance has to be a cause of concern.

 

Wigan Athletic 1 - Fulham 1

Fulham have to be a banker on everyone's pools coupon and they pick up another draw away to Wigan. A bitty first half was enlivened by Hugo Rodallega's header off the post and a Damien Duff effort for the visitors but otherwise offered up little in the way of chances. The Latics improved after their tea and oranges and Rodallega had them ahead on fifty-seven minutes, chasing Ali Al-Habsi's whomp up the pitch and beating Davbid Stockdale with aplomb. The Cottagers thought they'd equalised only for Clint Dempsey's effort to be correctly ruled out for handball but they were back on terms with three minutes to go, with substitute Andrew Johnson finding the net for the first time since his extended injury lay-off. Agan, the draw does very little for either team but it's just as important not to lose when you're down in the mire.