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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

Round One.... World Cup Denouement.... World Cup 2nd Round.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 3.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 2

Sweet Six Toon

 

Arsenal 6 - Blackpool 0

Blackpool are brought down to Earth with a bump as they are mauled at the Emirates'. The Seasiders started quite brightly but found themselves behind on twelve minutes when Theo Walcott side-footed home after some good interplay from Andrei Arshavin, Marouane Chamakh and Tomas Rosicky. Gary Taylor-Fletcher then missed a chance to put his side level before things went terminally wrong for Blackpool just after the half hour. Ian Evatt brought down Chamakh as the striker looked to burst free on goal and, despite the foul occurring outside the area, referee Mike Jones pointed to the spot and sent the defender off. Arshavin converted the spot kick with little fuss. The game became an Arsenal procession from that moment and Walcott scored his second five minutes before the break, turning Dekel Keinan before firing home. Abou Diaby turned home Bacary Sagna's cross four minutes after the restart and then turned provider when releasing Walcott to complete his hat-trick. Seven minutes before the end, Chamakh nodded in a corner from substitute Robin van Persie to make it six and the Gunners ended Saturday having moved up to second in the table.

 

Birmingham City 2 - Blackburn Rovers 1

Birmingham come from behind to beat Blackburn at St. Andrew's. A poor first half made way for a much more entertaining second period. On fifty minutes, Nikola Zigic grabbed a fistful of Christopher Samba's shirt in the area and referee Michael Oliver had no hesitation in awarding the penalty. Morten Gamst Pedersen struck his attempt well enough but new City keeper Ben Foster read it right and pulled off a great save, diving to his left to tip the ball onto the bar and away. The reprieve proved to be only temporary, however, as five minutes later Pedersen redeemed himself when his corner was headed in by Stephen N'zonzi. Rovers' lead lasted just three minutes, as the home side hit back through Craig Gardner, converting James McFadden's cushioned lay-off at the far post. The game was now an open affair with chances at both ends but with twenty minutes left, Gardner found space outside the area and zipped a low shot past Paul Robinson that proved to be the winner.

 

Everton 1 - Wolverhampton Wanderers 1

Everton's slow start to the season continues as they are held by Wolves at Goodison. With the visitors looking to try and contain their hosts, the Toffees were able to dominate the first half but it took until two minutes before the break before they were able to make their superiority tell. Mikel Arteta's free-kick came back off the Wanderers' wall and Tim Cahill reacted quickest, dispossessing George Elokobi before firing the ball high past Marcus Hahnemann. The away side had to show more purpose in the second half and they duly did. They slowly got themselves into the game and, with fifteen minutes remaining, Sylvan Ebanks-Blake converted Kevin Doyle's right-wing cross to level the match. Everton pushed for a winner late on but found the Wolves defence in typically obdurate mood and the draw was probably the right result.

 

Fulham 2 - Manchester United 2

Fulham fight back to salvage a late draw against Manchester United at Craven Cottage. A comeback hadn't looked on the cards after an opening period the visitors thoroughly dominated. Paul Scholes smacked in a low shot from distance to open the scoring on eleven minutes and, at that point, there only looked to be one likely winner. The Cottagers slowly fought their way back into contention and by half time could well have been level but for a smart double save by Edwin van der Sar to deny Dickson Etuhu. Fifteen minutes after the break, the home side finally made a breakthrough. Damien Duff rode his luck in tricking his way past Patrice Evra down the right and found Bobby Zamora running into space behind Johnny Evans. The striker pulled back a low cross from the byline which Simon Davies drove into the corner despite van der Sar's best efforts at keeping it out. The game was now even but United looked to have grabbed a late winner when the unsighted Brede Hangeland diverted Nani's corner into his own net. Things looked to have got worse for Fulham within minutes, when Duff was harshly adjudged to have handled in the area. David Stockdale kept out Nani's unconvincing spot kick, however, setting the stage for Hangeland to make dramatic amends for his error when his determined header found the corner of the net with a minute of the game remaining.

 

Manchester City 3 - Liverpool 0

City stroll past Liverpool at Eastlands. Roberto Mancini started once again with his three-man midfield from the opening game at Tottenham but this time his trio were able to control the match from beginning to end. The Citizens were ahead on thirteen minutes, after debutant James Milner cut back Adam Johnson's through ball to the waiting Gareth Barry, who found the net with little fuss. Johnson was particularly impressive against stand-in left-back Dan Agger but the Sky Blues retained possession comfortably. The visitors, spearheaded by a Fernando Torres still some way from match fitness, struggled to carve out any openings and when they did, found Joe Hart in impenetrable barrier. City's second came seven minutes after the break, Carlos Tevez getting the merest graze of shinpad on Micah Richards's powerful downward header, and they wrapped things up with twenty-two minutes remaining when Tevez was able to convert from the spot, after Johnson had made the most of Martin Skrtel's going to ground in the area. We're only two games in but the signs are the Mancunians will be mounting a serious challenge this year, one that this observer feels can only be hampered by the manager's general unwillingness to have his team play on the front foot. Then again, if they are able to saunter past a good, if out of sorts, Liverpool side with the degree of ease demonstrated in this match, they may well have enough to go close, regardless.

 

Newcastle United 6 - Aston Villa 0

Newcastle celebrate the return of Premier League football to St. James's with an emphatic win against Aston Villa. Villa started the brighter and should have taken the lead on nine minutes after Ashley Young made the most of Steve Harper's charge from goal to win his side a penalty. Unfortunately for the Birmingham side, John Carew's spot kick is yet to come back to Earth and the home side went on to take full advantage. The still-moustachioed Joey Barton broke the deadlock with a venomous strike from distance that had too much on it for Brad Friedel. Young then looked to have levelled matters when running onto Stuart Downing's through ball before finding the net, only to be pulled back by referee Martin Atkinson for a crafty handball. It proved to be as close as Villa were to come for the rest of the game. Kevin Nolan headed Newcastle's second at the second attempt just after the half hour and within three minutes Andy Carroll took advantage of Richard Dunne's dithering to smash in United's third. Carroll was in fine form all afternoon and doubled his tally with twenty-five minutes left when he volleyed in Mike Williams's chipped pass. With three minutes left, Nolan turned home his second from Shola Ameobi's nod back after the Villans had failed to deal with a corner and Carroll completed a well-deserved hat-trick at the death after running onto Xisco's return pass and finding the corner of the net.

 

Stoke City 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 2

Controversy surrounds Tottenham's win at Stoke as the home side appear to be denied a late equaliser by the referee. Spurs started the game as they had last week's against Man City, looking full of confidence with some fine passing and movement. They took the lead on twenty minutes in somewhat fortunate fashion, when Ryan Shawcross's attempted clearance rebounded back into the goal off Gareth Bale's face, after the winger's earlier attempt had been beaten out by Thomas Sorensen. Five minutes later, City were level when Ricardo Fuller headed in from Matthew Etherington's corner after Huerelho Gomes got caught up in traffic. Tottenham weren't to be denied, though, and on the half hour Bale volleyed home a wonderful effort from Aaron Lennon's pass. Stoke responded magnificently and dominated the second half in their search for an equaliser, though were let down by some wayward finishing, by Tuncay Sanli in particular. They did look to have grabbed the equaliser their efforts deserved with seven minutes left on the clock, when debutant Jon Walters's header looked to have crossed the line before coming back off Peter Crouch. Referee Chris Foy decided he couldn't be certain, though, and failed to give the decision, leaving Tony Pulis's side still looking for their first points of the season.

 

West Bromwich Albion 1 - Sunderland 0

The Baggies bounce back from last week's battering at Stamford Bridge by beating the Black Cats. Sunderland came out looking utterly bereft of attacking intent and Albion took full advantage to dominate. New signing Peter Odomwingie could have opened the scoring part-way through the first half after being set free by the impressive Chris Brunt but hooked a weak effort wide of the goal. Brunt himself came close on several occasions but as the game wore on it looked as if the visitors' negativity was going to be rewarded with an ill-deserved point. With ten minutes left, Odomwingie made amends for his early miss when he raced onto James Morrison's smart through ball and beat Simon Mignolet with a good finish. The first points are on the board for Roberto di Matteo's side, ahead of a pretty daunting set of fixtures, whilst Steve Bruce's men are still looking for their first win.

 

West Ham United 1 - Bolton Wanderers 3

West Ham go down at home to Bolton. The Hammers needed a response to last week's poor showing and overcame a slightly jittery first couple of minutes to end up thoroughly dominating the first half. They should have been ahead part-way through the period, only for Carlton Cole to see his poorly-struck penalty held by Jussi Jaaskelainen after the striker had been upended on the edge of the box by Gretar Steinsson. Jaaskelainen was in top form and went on to deny both Cole and Keiron Dyer before the half was out. Within three minutes of the restart, Bolton were ahead against the run of play when the keeper's long kick was flicked on by Johan Elmander and Matthew Upson diverted the ball into his own net with a diving header as he tried to prevent the ball reaching Kevin Davies. United were committed to attack and they were caught out again on sixty-eight minutes, with Elmander powering a header past Robert Green from Chung-Yong Lee's cross. They were thrown a lifeline with just over ten minutes left, when referee Andre Marriner awarded a soft penalty after Scott Parker was adjudged to have been bumndled over by Gary Cahill. Mark Noble stepped up this time and made no mistake. There was to be no comeback, though, and the visitors wrapped up their win with six minutes left when another booming Jaaskelainen clearance appeared to be flicked on by Matthew Taylor with his hand and, in the absence of a whistle, Elmander stroked home his second of the day.

 

Wigan Athletic 0 - Chelsea 6

Chelsea thrash Wigan at the DW. Having been on the wrong end of an eight-goal hiding when these sides last met, one could have forgiven the Latics for approaching this game with some trepidation. For the first half an hour, however, there was no sign of it as the home side enjoyed the better of the play. That said, any chances the Latics were able to create were reduced to long-distance efforts, with Hugo Rodallega the man looking most likely to break the deadlock. The defending champions are currently in a run of form where everything is going in, though, and they took the lead on thirty-four minutes after Chris Kirkland could only parry Frank Lampard's fliick from an Ashley Cole cross and Florent Malouda stole in to tuck away the loose ball. Hopes of a comeback were shattered within seven minutes of the second half. On forty-eight minutes, Jon Mikel Obi found Nicolas Anelka with a raking pass and the striker drilled his effort into the corner past the hesitant Kirkland. Four minutes later and Anelka was on the scoresheet again, albeit from what looked to be an offside position, when he headed in from close range after Didier Drogba had returned Malouda's cross. With twelve minutes left, Drogba sped away from his marker in midfield before squaring for substitute Salomon Kalou to tap into the empty net. Kalou doubled his tally in the ninetieth minute when heading in at the far post from Drogba's cross and there was still time for fellow substitute Yossi Benayoun to open his Chelsea account when turning home Paulo Ferreira's low cross. Wigan are enduring a nightmare of a start to their season but for Chelsea, everything's coming up roses right now.