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"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of Euro 2008. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the tournament unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 12.... Week 11.... Week 10.... Week 9.... Week 8.... Week 7

Meet the Klangers

Arsenal 0 - Aston Villa 2

Villa are finally able to exert some pressure on Arsenal for that fourth spot. After the blizzard of hyperbole blowing smoke up the reserves in midweek, the Gunners' first team are brought down to earth by an impressive Aston Villa on Saturday. The Birmingham side displayed plenty of attacking intent from the off and it made for an entertaining first half, only goal-less due to Manuel Almunia's parry from Ashley Young's penalty. It continued to be an open game after the break but took until twenty minutes from the end before the deadlock was finally broken when Gael Clichy nodded Young's cross into his own net under pressure from Gabriel Agbonlahor. The Londoners pushed hard for an equaliser and Emmanuel Adebayor hit the post with a header before a long punt out of defence from Martin Laursen was pounced on by Agbonlahor, who outmuscled William Gallas to make the game safe with ten minutes to go. Villa move level on points with their hosts and could provide stiff competition for that Champions League place if only they could find a little more consistency.

 

Blackburn Rovers 1 - Sunderland 2

Sunderland rocket up the table after gaining revenge for their midweek League Cup defeat. Rovers dominated most of the first half but were forced to wait until injury time to take the lead when Christopher Samba powerfully headed home Morten Gamst Pedersen's corner. Probably smarting from a half-time managerial blast, the Black Cats came out for the second half with much more purpose and were level within five minutes. Paul Robinson could only flap ineffectually at a Keiron Richardson corner and when the ball fell, Kenwyne Jones was able to hook the ball back over his own shoulder from a couple of yards. The Mackems' confidence was in the ascendant and with momentum building they took the lead with twenty minutes left through Djibril Cisse's dinked finish over the oncoming Robinson. Despite a late flurry, Blackburn were unable to level and now find themselves in the bottom three for the first time this season, albeit just two points behind their visitors in eleventh.

 

Bolton Wanderers 0 - Liverpool 2

Liverpool continue to match Chelsea blow for blow at the top of the table and take all three points from a surprisingly open game at the Reebok. The Reds had been in control of much of the first half and Dirk Kuyt had crashed a drive off the Bolton bar before putting his side ahead with a cracking header from Fabio Aurelio's left wing cross. Robbie Keane should have doubled the lead within minutes, only to completely miss his kick from all of four yards, and his side should have been made to pay but were let off when Gary Cahill's towering header was ruled out by Rob Styles for some silly-buggers shenanigans on the goal line from Kevin Nolan. I think it's fair to say the ref won't be on many Bolton fans' Christmas card list this year. The home side restarted brightly, with Ricardo Gardner looking lively, if wasteful but saw the visitors waste another gilt-edged chance when Steven Gerrard could only direct Fernando Torres's cross wide of the far post. There was to be no such reprieve on seventy-three minutes, though, when Torres was able to make the most of some half-hearted defending from Cahill to flick in a cross off the outside of his boot that Gerrard, diving in, was able to nod across Jasskelainen into the far side of the net. There was enough time left for Gardner, Torres and Lucas to add to the game's tally of glaring misses but none for a Bolton equaliser and the Trotters remain just the point clear of trouble.

 

Everton 1 - Middlesbrough 1

Everton and Boro play out a lively draw at Goodison. Some wobbly Toffees defending helped the visitors to an early lead, as Stuart Downing played in Gary O'Neil to tuck away the opener at the near post. The early goal meant the game swifty took shape with the home side putting Boro under pressure whilst the visitors looked to hit on the break. Joleon Lescott nearly made amends for his defensive performance only to see his mis-hit cross-cum-shot bounce back off the far post and Tim Cahill nodded wide when he'd looked odds-on to hit the target but with Alves and Tuncay causing problems at the other end, it wasn't all one-way traffic. After an hour, Everton finally drew level when Yakubu Ayegbini bundled Mikel Arteta's free-kick in off his back but with the Nigerian's next chance taking out the corner flag it was the last real chance either side was to have. I don't think either manager will be too despondent as they come out of the weekend in seventh and eighth place, respectively.

 

Fulham 2 - Tottenham Hotspur 1

Tottenham's recent revival is brought to a juddering halt on a ground where they traditionally tend to struggle. With the Spurs players seemingly convinced of their invulnerability, it was Fulham who had the best of the first half with one rasping Clint Dempsey effort, in particular, forcing a terrific one-handed save from Heurelho Gomes. It's not been shot-stopping that's been the issue with the Brazilian stopper, though, and the hapless custodian presented his critics with a whole truck-load of ammunition just after the half-hour when effectively chucking Simon Davies's speculative effort into his own net. Confidence shot once more, Gomes then spent much of the rest of the game either making spectacular sprawling saves or aiming Liberace-esque flaps at a succession of corners and crosses. It was inevitable that one of these set-pieces would prove Spurs' undoing and so it proved when Andrew Johnson was able to turn and fire home Davies's nod down with twenty minutes to go. The on-loan Frazier Campbell was able to pull a goal back with ten minutes left but a point would have been more than Tottenham deserved and they slip back into the drop zone.

 

Hull City 2 - Manchester City 2

Both sides managed to end their losing streaks as defenders endured a bad day at the office. Tal Ben Haim was the first to put his name down for the bloopers video on the quarter-hour when underhitting an attempted back pass from the edge of the area. Daniel Cousin beat Joe Hart to the ball and found the far corner to put the home side ahead. Joining him on the compilation tape some twenty minutes later was Kamil Zayette, who was caught attempting to run the ball round the incoming Stephen Ireland when a good old-fashioned welly up the field looked the better option. Instead, the full-back played the ball too far in front of himself and Ireland was able to pass the ball into the net. The Irish midfielder then doubled his tally with a classy strike on the stroke of half time to send the visitors in ahead. City's lead was only to last another quarter of an hour after the restart, however, as Geovanni's free-kick flicked off Vincent Kompany in the wall, wrong-footing Kasper Schmeichel and earning Hull a deserved draw.

 

Manchester United 5 - Stoke City 0

United move up to third after a thorough dismantling of Stoke at Old Trafford. It only took three minutes for the Mancunians to take the lead when Cristiano Ronaldo attempted one of his spank-the-light-ball-on-the-valve specials from thirty-odd yards and Thomas Sorensen contrived to lose the erratic flight of the ball, simply waving at it as it whistled past him. City battled manfully to stay in touch but went two down just before half-time when Michael Carrick found time under pressure to drive an effort that again beat Sorensen in the middle of his goal. Shortly after the break and it was three, when Dimitar Berbatov was able to control Carlos Tevez's cross with his arse and beat the keeper at his near post. Job done, Alex Ferguson decided to send an unsubtle message back to the Emirates by wheeling on a couple of chavvies and one of these, Danny Wellbeck, spanked home a glorious fourth from twenty-five yards after playing a one-two with another, (Fuo?) Manucho. A minute from the end and a badly-positioned wall allowed Ronaldo to tonk home his second free-kick of the game and bring up the nap hand. They'll be there or thereabouts come the end of the season.

 

Newcastle United 2 - Wigan Athletic 2

A rollercoaster of a match at St. James's ended all square thanks to a late equaliser from a maligned old boy. A sublime start to the game saw Ryan Taylor curl a beauty off the outside of his foot over the back-pedalling Shay Given from twenty-five yards after just three minutes but the match degenerated into a bit of a slog with both sides desperate to get out of trouble. It wasn't all bad news, however, as Joey Barton proved an early casualty after being caught by a nasty challenge from Lee Cattermole that forced him out of the game on fifteen minutes. Ten minutes after the break and the game was opened up by referee Andre Mariner when he ludicrously sent off Athletic's Emerson Boyce for the heinous crime of making a tackle but it took Newcastle until ten minutes before the end to break down their reduced opponents when substitute Michael Owen was on hand to stab home the loose ball after Chris Kirkland had spilled Shola Ameobi's drive. Seven minutes later and a thumping Obafemi Martins shot looked to have sealed the win for United only for the large-boned Titus Bramble to stick it to the jeering mob by heading home a last-minute corner to save a point, which is enough to keep both sides away from Trap Door City for the time being.

 

West Bromwich Albion 0 - Chelsea 3

A first half demolition job at the Hawthorns keeps Chelsea top of the pile for another week. The Baggies had done well against their visitors early on, hanging in and creating a couple of chances but were made to pay just after the half-hour mark for failing to close down rampaging full-back Jose Bosingwa. The right-back was allowed to cut in from the wing and with the defence clearly expecting a cross, instead unleashed a zinging left-foot drive that beat keeper Scott Carson at his near top corner. The dam breached, Chelsea poured forward and went further ahead just four minutes later when the in-form Nicolas Anelka ran clear onto Florent Malouda's header before lifting the ball with extreme confidence over the sprawling Carson. Just before half-time and the striker took his season's tally in the league to twelve when again sent clear, this time by Salomon Kalou, to tuck a clinical finish inside the near post. After a brief period at the beginning of the second half, Chelsea seemed content to let the game run its course and, a couple of half-chances aside, West Brom appeared content not to be caned and the teams finished the day where they started it - at the top and the bottom of the table.

 

West Ham United 0 - Portsmouth 0

The bunting's out all over the East End as West Ham finally manage their first clean sheet of the season. Apart from that, there wasn't much to write home about from this one. Hammers old boys Glen Johnson and Jermaine Defoe looked lively and dangerous against their former employers without carving out any nailed-on chances. Craig Bellamy smacked a free-kick against the bar for the hosts, who otherwise didn't really test former keeper David James. A draw was probably a fair result and at least arrests West Ham's recent slide, while giving Pompey boss Tony Adams an unbeaten sequence to protect. Everybody's happy, stroll on next weekend.