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Five Spices

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of Euro 2008. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the tournament unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 14.... Week 13.... Week 12.... Week 11.... Week 10.... Week 9

Liverpool move clear

Aston Villa 0 -  Fulham 0

A pretty quiet game saw Fulham continue their quiet rennaisance at the expense of the on-off Villa. With both sides putting most of their eggs in a cattenaccio-flavoured basket, Villa, as you'd hope from the home side, produced the more and better chances but never really looked odds-on to get a goal, whilst Fulham looked more than content with the draw. So much for Jimmy Hill's three-points-for-a-win-will-mean-more-exciting-games bollocks, eh? You could probably forgive the South West Londoners for their lack of ambition, considering their post war record at Villa Park but there can certainly be no excuses for a Villa side who's reticence to go for the win sees them drop out of the top four. Disappointing all round, though Asley Young did his burgeoning reputation no harm at all as the only bright spark in the game.

 

Chelsea 1 - Arsenal 2

Arsenal blew more life into the title race with no little help from the linesman nor, for that matter, Chelsea's lack of a plan B. When Johan Djourou stuck Jose Bosingwa's right-wing cross into his own net on the half-hour mark, this looked like ending up a comfortable Chelsea win. Arsenal were looking short of ideas and had been let off the hook when Frank Lampard should have doubled the hosts' lead five minutes after the break before they got the slice of fortune that livened the game back up again. Robin van Persie looked a couple of yards offside when found by Denilson in the Chelsea box but with no flag raised by the linesman, was able to thrash his finish high past Petr Cech for an undeserved equaliser. Three minutes later and insult was added to injury for the hosts when van Persie latched onto Emmanuel Adebayor's knock down to beat Cech with a fine low drive and steal all three points for the visitors to put them back in the title race until at least next week. Chelsea's current home form, meanwhile, promises to cost them any chance of winning the league unless it improves but they're pinging the ball around more for the neutrals than they did when they were winning stuff so everybody's happy.

 

Liverpool 0 - West Ham United 0

Liverpool move a point clear at the top of the table after being held at home by West Ham. Despite dominating procedings, the home side were unable to break down the massed defence of the visitors, all too often resorting to hit-and-hope efforts from distance. When they did get through, Robert Green was equal to everything asked of him. The closest either side came to a goal, however, was Craig Bellamy's twenty-yard drive for the Hammers that crashed back off the inside of Pepe Reina's post five minutes or so before the half-time break. Yes, another day and Sami Hyypia may have buried one of a handful of headed chances that came his way; another day and Steven Gerrard's theatrical last-minute tumble in the box might have earned him another penalty from a gullible referee; equally, on another day Bellamy's effort might have found the corner, so Liverpool would do well not to be too downcast at being held. West Ham, meanwhile, have now gone three games unbeaten without conceding a goal.

 

Manchester City 0 - Manchester United 1

A thoroughly idiotic handball from Cristiano Ronaldo saw United forced to play out the last twenty minutes of the derby with only ten men but in all honesty they were hardly given anything to worry about as the match petered out into a routine win. The casual observer could have been forgiven for failing to notice anyone in a blue shirt in a first half dominated by the away side until Stephen Ireland's Barnes-Wallace-inspired effort dribbled off the outside of the post after thirty minutes. Most of the running had been made by their Trafford neighbours and it was no surprise when United took the lead just before half time when Wayne Rooney was first to the last ball after Joe Hart had made a schoolboy parry from Michael Carrick's speculative drive. Ronaldo then decided to slap a corner away rather than run the risk of it messing up his gelled coiffure to set up what should have been a barnstorming finish but the fireworks failed to emerge and the game wended its weary way home with nothing but a half-chance for Richard Dunne to entertain the insomniacs.

 

Middlesbrough 0 - Newcastle United 0

Boro and Newcastle played out a goalless draw that really does neither team any favours, which makes the writer wonder why both teams seemed happy to take the point from the kick off. In a match played in a fog patch, Obafemi Martins looked the only player likely to make any difference to procedings so he was duly hauled off by Joe Kinnear just after the hour mark to ensure this drab encounter petered out in suitable fashion. Piss poor, frankly.

 

Portsmouth 3 - Blackburn Rovers 2

A ding-dong tussle on the South coast was eventually edged by Pompey to leave Rovers up to their necks in the brown stuff. The hosts started very strongly and should have grabbed a goal in a first half that saw them dominate, whilst looking a little vulnerable to Blackburn's counters, as Rovers looked to release strike pairing McCarthy and Santa Cruz early from the back. Three minutes after the restart and Portsmouth got the deserved first goal as the impresive Glen Johnson's cross was nodded home by Peter Crouch. Within five minutes, it all looked done as dusted after Jermaine defoe tucked away Noco Kranjcar's amrt through ball but Rovers dug in and pulled a goal back just after the hour through Matt Derbyshire's looping header. Just five minutes later and the Lancastrians were level, Tugay Belizoglu allowed to stride forward from the half-way line before burying his shot from twenty yards inside David James's right post. They almost nicked a winner only to see Derbyshire's effort ruled out and Pompey came back and finally broke Blackburn's resolve ten minutes before the end when Sean Davis was able to chip home the loose ball after Paul Robinson had parried Papa Bouba Diop's shot into a crowd of panicking defenders. It's looking very gloomy for Blackburn right now. 

 

Stoke City 1 -  Hull City 1

Honours even in the tale of two cities. Hull opened up the Premier League's eyes to the options available to thwart long throw specialist Rory elap in this one - simply get a pug-faced local to warm up in front of him every time he winds up to launch one. Yes, it eventually cost Dean Windass a booking but, let's face it, the boy's not getting any game time anyway, so it was well worth a try. This wasn't pretty at all but Hull got the first goal on the stroke of half time thanks to a top drawer finish from Marlon King, after a couple of flicks on found him with just enough time and space in the Stoke area. Stoke earned their point a quarter of an hour from the end when Boaz Myhill brough down Ricardo Fuller in the area and the Jamaican stepped up to shank his tame effort through the keeper. It's another point closer to survival for both these sides, so nobody's going to be too upset about the draw.

 

Sunderland 1 - Bolton Wanderers 4

Black and blue cats after this one, as the Trotters went to town and no mistake. Things had all started so promisingly for Sunderland, with Djibril Cisse tucking home the opener after just eleven minutes, but one of the worst defensive displays of modern times saw the visitors run rampant to move up to ninth. Matt Taylor looped a Gretar Steinsson cross over the static Craig Gordeon to put Wanderers level after twenty minutes before Gary Cahill twatted a loose ball home just two minutes later to put Bolton ahead. On thirty minutes, it looked as if Sunderland had levelled, only for Cisse's acrobatic volley to be disallowed for a dubious foul from Kenwyne Jones on JLloyd Samuel, and they paid the price when Johan Elmander stuck away Wanderers' third after Danny Collins lost the flight of a long ball with a mistake a pub-team reserve would be mortified to make. Ten minutes after half time and Dean Whitehaead manfully attempted to spare his centre-back's blushes by gifting the ball to Kevin Nolan to play in Elmander for his second and Bolton's fourth but it didn't make Collins nor his team mates feel palpably better so he may as well just not have bothered. The Mackems drop into Trap Door City.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 0 - Everton 1

Spurs' luck ran out in a sterile encounter with Everton. With much- and frequently-maligned Brazilian flapmeister Huerelho Gomes in decent form, making solid stops from Marounane Fellaini and Louis Saha, and Tottenham, typified by Aaron Lennon, busy without being at all productive, this one really looked to be running on for a stalemate. However, just five minutes after the restart, Stephen Pienaar cropped up with the Tottenham rearguard a-snoozing at a quickly-taken free kick and blapped a shot past the North London custodian via the stretching Vedrun Corluka. Tottenham came back, with Tim Howard forced into one excellent save from Roman Pavlyuchenko, but didn't really look like taking a draw out of this one. Everton will be happy to have got back to winning ways but, having rather carelessly lost both their strikers before the ninety minutes were up, will be concerned about where their goals are going to come from until the new year.

 

Wigan Athletic 2 - West Bromwich Albion 1

The Latics put some daylight between themselves and the danger zone and leave the Baggies rooted to the foot of the table. Albion looked bright and took a deserved lead just after half time when Ishmael Miller made the most of a Titus Bramble error to tuck away their first goal in over three hundred minutes of playing time. Wigan pressed hard for an equaliser and it came just after the hour when Henri Camara athletically volleyed home from close range after Paul Robinson had sloppily undersold his header back to Scott Carson. West Brom pushed for a second but found Chris Kirkland in imperious form in the Wigan goal and when the winner came, it came from an unlikely source and at the other end. Emerson Boyce hadn't got on the scoresheet in the League for three years but produced a thumping header from Jason Koumas's corner with just three minutes left to take the points for Wigan. The result was probably harsh on the visitors but their lack of a cutting edge, despite all the pretty football in the middle of the park, is costing them dearly right now.