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Five Spices

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 25.... Week 24.... Week 23.... Week 22.... Week 21.... Week 20

Slings and Arrows

Aresenal 0 - Sunderland 0 

Arsenal drop more points at the Emirates as Sunderland consolidate in mid-table. The home side passed up the chance to close on third-placed Aston Villa in the face of some stubborn defending from the visitors. New signing Andrei Arshavin enjoyed a bright debut and the Gunners had the better of possession but as the game progressed without a breakthrough, looked occasionally vulnerable to the Black Cats' counter-attacks. The final whistle was greeted by a chorus of boos from the merchant bankers in the corporate seats but their judgement has to be considered flawed and/or harsh as on another day their side would have taken all three points.

 

Aston Villa 0 - Chelsea 1

Chelsea return to something like their old selves to leapfrog Villa into third. The Londoners started well, with the recent lack of confidence and conviction not at all apparent in their approach to this game. They took a deserved lead on twenty minutes when Frank Lampard's quick feet took him past the attentions of two markers before he laid on a perfectly-weighted ball for the charging Nicolas Anelka to lift deftly over the onrushing Brad Friedel. It could have been two just ten minutes later only for Friedel to pull off a smart reactionsave to turn round a thumping John Terry header. Ashley Young crashed a free-kick off Petr Cech's bar after Emile Heskey had tumbled softly to the turf but that was as close as the home team got to scoring as their fourteen-game unbeaten run came to an end.

 

Bolton Wanderers 2 - West Ham United 1

A quick-fire start for Wanderers proved enough to bag them three precious points at the expense of the in-form United. It took just ten minutes for Bolton to take the lead, when Matt Taylor cracked home a fantastic free-kick that left Rob Green utterly helpless, and they doubled their lead just a minute later when Kevin Davies turned home Johan Elmander's right-wing cross. The Hammers looked to respond but saw both Mark Noble and David Di Michele spurn good chances to get them back in the game and were forced to wait until the hour mark before they pulled one back, with Scott Parker turning home Jonathon Spector's ball across the box. The East-Enders went all-out for the equaliser from there on in but finding Gary Cahill, especially, in commanding form, just couldn't find the goal their ambition probably deserved.

 

Fulham 2 - West Bromwich Albion 0

Fulham stroll to a comfortable win against the all-but relegated Baggies. It's been a pretty good campaign for the Cottagers up to now and they were never in any trouble against a side who've found themselves restricted to playing their preferred passing game closer and closer to their own goal as the season's progressed. Albion were their own worst enemies at times, running out of options under pressure and gifting the ball to their opponents far too often. It was a surprise it took the Londoners as long as it did to take the lead but the first goal duly came just after the hour when Bobby Zamora stole into the box to tuck away his first goal in almost thirty hours of league football. The relieved striker's effort was followed ten minutes later by a goal from his strike partner, as Andrew Johnson latched onto Scott Carson's parry from Zamora's shot to put the game to bed. There was time for Roman Bednar to place his penalty too close to Mark Schwarzer's right hand and allow the keeper to deny Albion a consolation goal but, in truth, they hardly deserved one.

 

Hull City 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 2

A low-quality affair sees Tottenham nick a vital win to close within a point of their opponents. The visitors went ahead against the run of play when Aaron Lennon was given all the time in the world to control Robbie Keane's pass and spike a drive into the roof of the net with twenty minutes gone. Hull were back on terms within ten minutes when goal-machine Michael Tuner bundled home after the Tottenham defence had failed to deal with an Andy Dawson corner, Carlo Cudicini flapping at the ball which bounced to the centre-back off Wilson Palacios. Both sides then hit the woodwork, through Kamil Zayette and Vedrun Corluka, respectively, before Jonathon Woodgate won it for Spurs with ten minutes left when heading home Benoit Assou-Ekotto's cross. A huge three points for the North Londoners and worrying times for Hull after such a bright start to life in the top division.

 

Liverpool 1 - Manchester City 1

Liverpool come from behind to snatch a point which doesn't prove enough to keep pace with the leaders. Looking predictable and out-of-sorts, the home side handed much of the initiative to City from the start and were fortunate not to go behind when Robinho picked out the rampaging Stephen Ireland, only to see the midfielder tap his effort tamely to Pepe Reina. The Sky Blues eventually took the lead five minutes after the restart when Craig Bellamy's powerful drive span off the unfortunate Alvaro Arbeloa before nestling inside Reina's left-hand post. The Reds upped the pace and the pressure and ultimately drew level with just over ten minutes to go when Fernando Torres's air-shot bobbled to Dirk Kuyt to toe-poke past Shay Given. An undeserved winner wasn't forthcoming, however, and Rafael Benitez's side were forced to settle for a point that doesn't do much for them at all.

 

Manchester United 2 - Blackburn Rovers 1

United ride their luck to beat a battling Blackburn. The game started with their only looking to be one winner as the Red Devils had Rovers chasing shadows and they took the lead after Ryan Nelsen could only help on Nani's cross, allowing Wayne Rooney to steal through and hammer past Paul Robinson. Blackburn, though, responded impressively and were level within ten minutes when Andre Ooijer capped off an impressive surge by slipping in Roque Santa Cruz to round Tomasz Kuszczak and slot home the first goal the home side had conceded since the battle of Agincourt. The visitors continued to press and could have taken the lead only for Nelsen to see his effort come back off Kuszczak's right-hand post but the limelight was once again taken by Cristiano Ronaldo. The histrionic winger's petulant kick at the chubby David Dunn should have earned him a red card and, pushing his luck, he was then booked for a blatant dive into the Rovers box just a minute later. Twenty-four carat twat he may be but the boy can play a bit and his next contribution was to spank a free-kick through the flailing Robinson to win the points for his side. Blackburn could still have taken a point, only for Howard Webb to wave away Morten Gamst Pedersen's penalty appeals after the winger was lightly - though purposefully - impeded by whipper-snapper Rafael Da Silva, but will instead have to be content with a performance that bodes extremely well for Premier League survival.

 

Middlesbrough 0 - Wigan Athletic 0

Boro make it fourteen games on the trot without a win. A breathless first forty-five minutes packed full of incident, skill and commitment failed to arrive at the Riverside and everyone was forced to put up with this turgid spectacle, instead. A second helping followed after the obligatory Bovril break but was only marginally better. Wigan will be happy enough with the point, comfortably perched up in seventh. Middlesbrough, though still stuck in the relegation zone, will in turn point out they're only a win from safety. The term "only a win", though, might just as well be "only the moon on a stick" for all the seeming likelihood of it happening any time soon.

 

Newcastle United 0 - Everton 0

Everton fail to make their advantage count over ten-man Newcastle and remain four points off European qualification. The Toffees came out of the traps strongly but suffered a setback after only seven minutes when playmaker Mikel Arteta jarred his knee and was forced off with an injury that threatens to keep him out for most of the rest of the season. Though the loss understandibly blunted their creative edge the visitors were still on top and were handed a gift just before the break when Kevin Nolan idiotically launched an awful two-footed challenge at Victor Anichebe and was given his marching orders. Despite controlling most of the remainder of the game, Everton failed to make the extra man count and United were able to hold on for what could prove a crucial point.

 

Stoke City 2 - Portsmouth 2

A incident-packed last quarter of an hour rescues a game that was going nowhere for the previous seventy-five minutes. This drab encounter sprang to life when Nico Kranjcar got onto David Nugent's clever return ball to finish past Thomas Sorensen and spark a lively denouement. Barely three minutes had passed before referee Mike Jones handed the hosts a lifeline by gifting them a penalty for handball after full-back Glen Johnson had untidily controlled a loose ball with his chest and James Beattie thrashed the spot-kick high into the net. Beattie then made it two just another couple of minutes later when nodding home Danny Pugh's attempted shot and it looked as if City were nailed-on for a win. A desperate Portsmouth threw everything they had into attack and were rewarded at the death when Ryan Shawcross comically volleyed Herman Hreidarsson's driven effort into his own net to leave both sides hovering just outside the danger zone.