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Five Spices

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 27.... Week 26.... Week 25.... Week 24.... Week 23

No Pudgy Warbling Just Yet...But The Soundcheck Is Underway

 

Blackburn Rovers 0 - Everton 0

A goal-less draw that does neither club any favours as Blackburn struggle to escape the threat of relegation and Everton strive for European qualification. After a largely incident-free first half, it was Rovers who took the initiative after the break and they managed the best chance of the game, only for Jason Roberts to hit his shot straight at Tim Howard when through on goal. Joleon Lescott nearly nicked a win in the last minute, only to hook his shot marginally wide, and both sides had to settle for a point. 

 

Fulham 0 - Hull City 1

Hull grab a priceless win at Craven Cottage to arrest their recent slump and buy a cushion between themselves and the drop zone. There was a gritty edge to City's approach from the off, with their hosts taking a more measured approach that saw them nearly break the deadlock on a number of occasions. With Matt Duke equal to most of what Fulham threw at him and Bernard Mendy on the line when Andrew Johnson finally found a way past the keeper, it looked as if things were gong to finish goal-less and Hull were going to earn a hard-won point. Then, in stoppage time, on-loan substitute Manucho ghosted in at the far post to convert Richard Garcia's cross and grab the extra two points, which is enough to move them up to twelfth.

 

Liverpool 2 - Sunderland 0

Liverpool get back to winning ways in seeing of a previously-resurgent Sunderland. The visitors, as has become the norm for any team playing the "Big Four" TM this season, were dogged in defence but should perhaps have taken the lead when Kenwyne Jones showed a clean pair of heels to Martin Skrtel but could only strike his effort tamely at Pepe Reina. The first half therefore finished goal-less but the hosts were ahead within seven minutes of the restart when David Ngog was on hand to tap home from Steven Gerrard's nod back across the box. With twenty minutes left, Yossi Benayoun made the game safe after Marton Fulop made a total cods of an Ngog cross and The Reds are just about back in the hunt.

 

Manchester City 2 - Aston Villa 0

Villa slip further off the pace with Arsenal gaining after their run of successive away wins comes to a halt at Eastlands. City came out looking the better side and took the lead from the spot after James Milner took out Shaun Wright-Phillips in the area, Elano converting coolly. Martin O'Neill brought John Carew off the bench for the second half and the big Norwegian gave the side a bit more presence but they were still second best and looking a pale imitation of the team of recent weeks. When Wright-Phillips made the game safe with two minutes left, it was fully deserved and Man City move into the top ten.

 

Newcastle United 1 - Manchester United 2

Man United recover from going a goal behind to keep their title charge fully on course. The Magpies started brightly and were gifted a lead in the eighth minute when Edwin van der Sar spilled Jonas Gutierrez's rather weak effort and Peter Lovenkrands pounced to tuck away the loose ball. The Mancunians were level before twenty minutes were up, Wayne Rooney hammering home on teh turn after some good work from John O'Shea. Newcastle were looking anything but a relegation-threatened side with Obafemi Martins, particularly, enjoying an excellent game but they were architects of their own demise ten minutes after half time. Steven Taylor, in a flash demonstration of Keystone Coppery, attempted an ambitious chest back to Steve Harper. Unsurprisingly, the ball was intercepted by the perpetual motion machine that is Park Ji-Sung and the Korean slipped in Dimitar Berbatov to nudge home the winner. Can anyone stop the Red Devils? We can only hope someone pushes them close.

 

Portsmouth 0 - Chelsea 1

Chelsea march on after playing through atrocious conditions to win at Fratton Park. The Blues dominated possession but were unable to translate it into goals, whilst Pompey did their bit to keep Petr Cech warm by fashioning a couple of chances, themselves. The Londoners went hunting for the winner in increasingly desperate fashion and were rewarded ten minutes from the end. Jose Bosingwa's cross eluded Michael Ballack but came back off Sol Campbell to Didier Drogba, who finished smartly to take the three points. Like Liverpool, Chelsea are realistically only playing for second place, now but they're making a decent fist of it.

 

Stoke City 2 - Bolton Wanderers 0

Stoke move out of the relegation zone after seeing off Bolton in the snow at the Britannia. In a predictably full-blooded encounter, there was little in the way of finesse but plenty of commitment on show and it always seemed likely the team who opened the scoring would go on to win. That proved to be City, who took the lead just before the quarter of an hour after James Beattie latched onto Glenn Whelan's header before finishing confidently past Jussi Jaaskelainen. Whelan was again involved in the second, fifteen minutes from time, when his drive was spilled by Jasskelainen at the feet of Ricardo Fuller, who duly thrashed the loose ball into the roof of the net.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 4 - Middlesbrough 0

Tottenham make up for their disappointment in the League Cup final by hammering Boro at White Hart Lane. This Middlesbrough side must be driving Gareth Southgate spare, as the manager who saw them convincingly beat Liverpool watched as they morphed into racing relegation certainties. Robbie Keane got Tottenham on their way before ten minutes were on the clock when he headed home Michael Dawson's flick-on from Luka Modric's corner. Roman Pavlyuchenklo doubled their lead just before the quarter of an hour, as he rolled home Modric's cross. Boro seemed slow to understand giving time and space to their hosts might not have been the best idea and had their noses rubbed in it five minutes before the break when Aaron Lennon got on the end of a nonchalant twenty-pass move to make it three. The Teessiders, unsurprisingly, came out for the second half looking to reduce the deficit but with ten minutes to go, it was the North Londoners who scored again through Lennon once more. Spurs open up a little gap to Trap Door City but Boro remain firmly stuck in the mire.

 

West Bromwich Albion 1 - Arsenal 3

Arsenal finally break their four-game duck to take a much-needed win at The Hawthorns. Away from the howling horde of hecklers on their own patch, Arsene Wenger's side opened up and, sperheaded by the much-maligned Nicklas Bendtner, were well worth their win. It was Bendtner who opened the scoring as early as the fourth minute, cutting in from the wing to bend a left-footed finish into the corner. Albion hit back just three minutes later when Chris Brunt's slightly mis-hit free-kick comically found its way through the Arsenal wall and beyond Manuel Almunia. Kolo Toure restored the Londoners' lead on thirty-eight minutes, when heading home Andrei Arshavin's free-kick and Bendtner added a third, just before half time, when getting on the end of a Toure hoof out of defence, to put the game to bed.

 

Wigan Athletic 0 - West Ham United 1

The Hammers take the points as both sides finish the game with ten men. The Latics started very brightly with Egyptian strike-force Mido and Amr Zaki causing all kinds of problems for the West Ham back-line. United looked threatening when they were able to string their passes together, though, and did just that in glorious fashion on thirty-four minutes to put Carlton Cole in for a fine finish past Chris Kirkland. Cole's evening was only to last another three minutes, however, before he was sent off by referee Stuart Attwell for a second soft yellow, as this referee underlined once again why he shouldn't be officiating in the top flight. West Ham got lucky on fifty minutes when an appalling challenge by Lucas Neill on Lee Cattermole was only punished with yellow. They got even luckier a minute later when a raging Cattermole took out his frustrations with a horrible hack at Scott Parker and received his marching orders. Wigan never really looked to get back in the game from that moment on and Gianfranco Zola's side close on Everton.

 

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Sunderland 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 1

A late Robbie Keane goal ensured these two sides both started and ended the day on the same points tally. In the weekend's only Premier League fixture, Sunderland started quickly and took the lead with only three minutes on the clock. Keiron Richardson latched onto a loose ball on the edge of the Tottenham area and rolled the ball past the onrushing Huerelho Gomes into the corner. Spurs responded well, with Luka Modric a particular thorn in the home team's side, and should have equalised but for Darren Bent's wild finish when let in by a poor Dean Whitehead back pass. With Djibril Cisse producing one of the misses of the season to keep Tottenham in it, they were finally able to get back on terms with just a minute to go when Keane volleyed home Bent's cross from the right. Though neither team can count themselves safe just yet, there's a little breathing space available in the fight against relegation.