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"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 32.... Week 31.... Week 30.... Week 29.... Week 28

Stoke Step Closer to Safety

Aston Villa 1 - West Ham United 1

Villa fail to win again as they are held at home by West Ham. Emile Heskey bundled home the opener on eleven minutes and should have made it two a few minutes later, but hit the post after latching onto Mark Noble's awful back-pass. West Ham passed up chances, too, with Junior Stanislas guilty of two misses when he should have done better. Robert Green kept his side in the game with a point-blank save from Heskey early in the second half and United slowly gained the ascendancy as the match wore on. With five minutes left, Diego Tristan got his head in the way of a Keiron Dyer effort to grab a deserved equaliser but there was still time for Villa to be denied a penalty after a spot of basketball from James Tomkins in his own area. All in all, though, a draw was probably a fair result, even if it's not really of much use to either side as they chase down European qualification.

 

Chelsea 0 - Everton 0

Chelsea's slim hopes of the title are almost certainly ended as they are held by Everton at Stamford Bridge. In the FA Cup final rehearsal, the hosts dominated possession but were unable to find a way through an Everton side defending deep and it was the visitors who probably carved out the better chances. Leighton Baines had a decent penalty appeal turned down when apparently fouled by Alex, whilst Jo twice failed to make his chances count when one on one with Petr Cech. Chelsea pushed strongly in the closing minutes but Didier Drogba's effort off the bar proved as close as they were going to get and, now six points behind leaders Manchester United, who have a game in hand, their best chances of silverware this season have to be in the cups.

 

Liverpool 4 - Arsenal 4

Liverpool are held by Arsenal in a breathless game at Anfield. The hosts, spurred on by the knowledge a win would put them two points clear at the top, started the better but found the much-maligned Lucasz Fabianski in inspired form in the first half. Arsenal, relying on rapid counter-attacks, took the lead against the balance of play when Andrei Arshavin cracked Cesc Fabregas's cross in off the underside of the bar. Liverpool were level within five minutes of the restart, through Fernando Torres's header, and took the lead when Yossi Benayoun launched hinmself bravely at a Dirk Kuyt cross. Their lead lasted less than ten minutes, however, as Arshavin scored again with a powerful drive past Pepe Reina, after having dispossessed Arbeloa, before putting the Gunners ahead once more when fabio Aurelio sliced his clearance straight to the Russian playmaker. Back came Liverpool again and they were on level terms within two minutes, as Torres grabbed a second. They continued to push for the deciding goal and were caught on the break in the final minute as Arshavin smashed in his fourth and what looked to be the decider, only to again draw level four minutes into injury time as Benayoun notched his second of the night. High drama and excellent entertainment ... not least for Alex Ferguson.

 

Manchester City 4 - West Bromwich Albion 2

City hammer another nail into the Albion coffin in an entertaining affair at Eastlands. It took the hosts only eight minutes to take the lead, when Robinho provided a crisp volleyed finish to Stephen Ireland's excellent cross. Nedum Onuoha headed his side further ahead just after the twenty-minute mark after Felipe Caceido looked to have blocked Scott Carson from reaching a dropping ball in the area. The Baggies fought back and reduced the arrears before half time when Chris Brunt found the net from Marc-Antoine Fortune's lay-off before Brunt struck a free-kick ten minutes into the second half that zipped through a crowded box and into the corner of the net. All that hard work was undone a scant minute later, however, after Jonas Olsson's unnecessarily-desperate lunge brought down Elano in the box and the Brazilian picked himself up to convert the spot kick. The game could still have gone either way in the closing stages but as it turned out, Daniel Sturridge was able to put some gloss on the scoreline when tapping home Stephen Ireland's short ball deep into injury time. With seventh place now looking likely to deliver European football next term, City look in with a chance of returning to the revamped UEFA/Europa Cup ... at least, until they mess up again.

 

Manchester United 2 - Portsmouth 0

Manchester United win themselves some breathing space with a less-than-impressive, if comfortable, win against struggling Portsmouth. The away side hardly showed in the first half, allowing the Mancunians to carve out a succession of chances, though they went into the break just the one goal up after Wayne Rooney slid home Ryan Giggs's cross, ten minutes in. United took their foot of the gas in the second half and looked decidely ordinary, whilst Paul Hart brought on Jermaine Pennant for David Nugent and Pompey immediately looked to have more to offer. Glen Johnson was denied by Edwin van der Sar and Pennant turned down a glorious invitation, slipping a poor pass towards Peter Crouch when the shot looked a better option, but the South Coast side never really convinced as a real goal threat. Michael Carrick then made the game safe with eight minutes left, tucking away Paul Scholes's excellent pass, and United now have one hand and a couple of fingers firmly on the Premier League trophy.

 

Middlesbrough 0 - Fulham 0

Dark clouds gather on the Teesside horizon. Boro went into this one knowing the really needed to win in order to give themselves a chance of avoiding the drop but found old boy Mark Schwarzer in good form to deny them. The Australian made decent saves from Tuncay, Downing and McMahon that could prove crucial to his old side's survival chances. It certainly wasn't all one-way traffic and Roy Hodgson's rejuvenated Cottagers saw Andrew Johnson hit the post and Bobby Zamora only denied by a last-ditch David Wheater tackle. Neither side were ultimately able to make the breakthrough but, as Fulham continue to look up the table, the greater damage was done to Gareth Southgate's side.

 

Portsmouth 1 - Bolton Wanderers 0

A comical goal makes the difference as Pompey take a massive step closer to safety. Portsmouth had looked the livelier side through, with makeshift winger Glen Johnson, in particular, proving a constant menace to the Bolton rearguard. The full-back should have given his side the lead on the half hour only to strike his effort tamely at Jussi Jaaskelainen when teed up by Nico Kranjcar but was also unlucky to see Jaaskelainen tip a rasping drive onto the post just minutes later. With Bolton apparently content to try and hit the home side on the break, it was starting to look as if Portsmouth would end the game frustrated until they won a corner with ten minutes left. Nadir Belhadj, on for the injured Kranjcar, curled his corner in to the near post, where Kanu was standing on the unprotected Jaaskelainen. With the keeper nudged slyly off-balance, the veteran was able to let the cross bounce off him and into the net. His goal won't win any awards but it's golden for Paul Hart's side, who now move level on points with their visitors.

 

Stoke City 1 - Blackburn Rovers 0

Stoke all-but ensure a second campaign in the Premier League with a win that leaves Rovers deep in trouble. In a predictably tough battle, City were the better side with strike pairing Ricardo Fuller and James Beattie proving a handful for the beleagured Blackburn defence, with the visitors reliant on the pace of Morten Gamst Pedersen and Benni McCarthy to provide their threat up front. The winner came with a quarter of an hour remaining, with Liam Lawrence able to hold off Gael Givet before hitting a firm shot Paul Robinson might have done better with, and Fortress Britannia erupted. Tony Pulis has thumbed his nose at the critics this year but Sam Allardyce has a lot of work left to do - starting next weekend at home to Wigan.

 

Sunderland 1 - Hull City 0

Sunderland make their move to leapfrog a Hull side unable to arrest an alarming slide down the table. Both sides carved out chances in a nonetheless scrappy first half, knowing a win was worth the double-whammy of increasing the pressure on a relegation rival. Boaz Myhill had to be sharp twice to deny Djibril Cisse and both Geovanni and Kevin Kilbane came close for Hull but the crowd had to wait until deep into first-half injury time for the game's first goal. Cisse looked to be offside when Danny Collins flicked on Andy Reid's left-wing cross but the assistant referee kept his flag down and the Frenchman ended his recent goal-less streak by heading home. The win doesn't make Sunderland safe, by any stretch of the imagination, but they're three points closer to survival, whilst City face a torrid sequence of fixtures during the run-in and, having waited so long for a first tilt at top flight football, have it all to do to ensure a second.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 1 - Newcastle United 0

Newcastle drop into the bottom two after a spirited second half display failed to make amends for a nervous first forty-five minutes. Tottenham were able to boss the match quite comfortably until the break and took a fully deserved lead on twenty-four minutes when Darren Bent was able to finish at the second time of asking after Sebastien Bassong's tackle sent the loose ball his way. With Bent a menace and Tom Huddlestone constantly willing to try his luck from distance, Steve Harper had to stay on his toes in the Newcastle goal but did well to ensure his side finished the half only a goal down. Alan Shearer's side needed a response in the second half and provided one, especially after the introduction of Mark Viduka and the all-action Obafemi Martins, who saw a goal perhaps harshly disallowed for hand-ball, but couldn't find a way past a much-improved Spurs defence. Harry Redknapp may have little time for the Europa Cup but his side have a decent chance of qualifying for it. Alan Shearer, meanwhile, has stated Newcastle need to win their three remaining home games to stay up. It promises to be tight.