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Five Spices

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." (Alan Shearer) And our Chairman Damon can never be said to be one to make unfair criticisms.

Harsh, but fair, our Chairman dispenses his trenchant, pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of Euro 2008. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the tournament unwinds.

Previous Analysis :

Week 3.... Week 2.... Week 1.... Round 4.... Round 3

Hello, hello, it's good to be back.

Back to the action after a week of International distractions and the dramatic start to the Premier League continues apace.

 

Blackburn Rovers 0 Arsenal 4

Arsenal cantered to an away win to belie the lazy “they’ll struggle in the North-West” stereotype. Once Robin van Persie had put the Gunners in front after good work from Theo Walcott (who, until last season, I’d been convinced was Sven Goran Eriksson’s imaginary friend), it was always going to be difficult for Blackburn, with the visitors able to play their usual counter-attacking game from early on. Predictably, Rovers upped the tempo to try and force an equalizer but weren’t able to make any of their chances count and Emmanuel Adebayor doubled the lead right on half-time when allowed the freedom of the penalty area to head home. He was able to double his own tally from the spot ten minutes before the end, after Eboue had successfully conned the referee into awarding a penalty, and completed his hat-trick at the death when allowed to run clear of the flat-footed Blackburn defence. That’s now seven goals in two without reply for Arsenal and they look to have built up a head of steam.

 

Fulham 2 Bolton Wanderers 1

A more comfortable win for Fulham than the result suggests underlines the good work Roy Hodgson has put in since taking charge of the then-relegation favourites last year. Zoltan Gera cracked home an emphatic volley from the edge of the area after a quarter of an hour and the Cottagers were bossing the game. Five minutes before half-time it was two, after Bobby Zamora had spun away from the close attentions of Shittu and McCann before welting the ball past Jaaskelainen into the bottom corner. The Trotters upped the physicality for the second half and managed to pull one back ten minutes from the end when Kevin Davies bundled a soft goal home but Fulham were able to hold on for a fully-deserved victory.

 

Liverpool 2 Manchester United 1

It was ninth time lucky for Rafael Benitez as his Liverpool side finally registered a League victory over their North-West rivals. United made a bright start and were ahead after only three minutes when Carlos Tevez drove home new-boy Dimitar Berbatov’s pull-back. Liverpool, though, slowly took control of the game and were in the ascendant before Edwin van der Sar suffered a comedy moment in slapping Xabi Alonso’s cross straight at an unfortunate Wes Brown, the ball deflecting back into the net. The hosts dominated after the break and finally got that deserved win when substitute Ryan Babel’s mis-hit into the ground looped up and into the Manchester United net with a quarter of an hour remaining. A late sending off for Nemanja Vidic aside, the away team weren’t able to muster very much in the way of a response and so it’s Liverpool who share the lead with Chelsea at the top of the table.

 

Manchester City 1 Chelsea 3

In the game billed as the Oil Firm derby, it was the old money of Chelsea that prevailed against the nouveau riches of Eastlands. Much of the pre-match talk had centered around Robinho, after his last-minute change of destination on deadline day, and, sure enough, the Brazilian opened his account on his debut when his thirteenth-minute free-kick flicked off Jon MIkel Obi and past Petr Cech to give the home side the lead. It only took three minutes for the visitors to draw level, however, Ricardo Carvalho crashing home a loose ball after John Terry’s header had come back off Joe Cole in the City box. Once level, Chelsea slowly took control of the game, despite a live-wire performance from old boy Shaun Wright-Phillips, and went into the break the better side. They tightened their grip on the match nine minutes into the second half when Frank Lampard finished off an incisive Chelsea passing move and, with Carvalho in imperious form at the back, never looked like relinquishing their lead from then on. It was three with twenty minutes to go, as Anelka was sent clear by Joe Cole before finishing under the onrushing Joe Hart and, despite a harsh straight red for skipper John Terry with thirteen minutes remaining, the League leaders were able to close out the game quite comfortably.

 

Newcastle United 1 Hull City 2

Hull notched up their second win of the campaign at the expense of a Newcastle side in off-field turmoil. With most of the media’s attention focused on the ex-manager’s dummy-spitting, the fans’ turning on the board and/or the Chairman’s propensity for necking pints of lager in the stands, little-fancied Hull turned up, put in a solid performance and went home with all three points. Newcastle had actually started brightly, only to see their good work undone eleven minutes before the break when Nicky Butt slid through Peter Halmosi in the box and Marlon King stepped up to put the Tigers in front. King then got a second ten minutes into the second half when a Hull counter attack found him clear of the stretched Toon rear-guard and he was able to turn back inside Charles N’Zogbia and finish smartly past Shay Given. New signing Xisco briefly threatened to spoil the away fans’ party when he tucked away a rebound after N’Zogbia had struck the post with just under ten minutes remaining but the fight-back fizzled out and it’s Hull who find themselves occupying a Champions’ League place.

 

Portsmouth 2 Middlesbrough 1

Portsmouth recorded their first home win in six months as the overwhelmed Middlesbrough at Fratton Park. It was Boro who took the lead against the run of play, as Alfonso Alves and Mido were allowed to carve their way through a day-dreaming back-line before the Egyptian slotted home. With Jermaine Defoe apparently out to enter the Guinness Book of Records for “most times caught needlessly offside in ninety minutes” and Russ Turnbull equal to everything that did come through to him, the first period ended with Portsmouth frustrated and Harry Redknapp twitching like a dipsomaniac in a distillery. Some fierce words and a formational re-jig later and Pompey came out for the second period looking to blitz their way to the three points. Fifteen minutes in and they were level, as Defoe managed to reign himself in long enough to allow Peter Crouch to nod forward, before latching onto the ball and drilling home inside Turnbull’s near post. Five minutes before the end, Defoe’s redemption was complete when he was able to hook home a loose ball after Glen Johnson had cleared upfield and Portsmouth made it two wins from the last two.

 

Stoke City 2 Everton 3

The timely return to fitness of Everton’s talisman, Tim Cahill, proved the difference in an entertaining pinball machine of a match at the Britannia Stadium. What started as a scrappy encounter finally came to life five minutes before half-time when Yakubu Ayegbini took Cahill’s ball on the edge of the area and steered it into the corner for what was Everton’s first shot on target all game. Ten minutes later and the Toffees were two up after Seyi Olofinjana went to sleep in the box, allowing Victor Anichebe to get onto Mikel Arteta’s free-kick and glance a header inside the far post. The ex-Wolves man made amends in glorious fashion just three minutes later when he smashed home from just inside the area after Tim Howard could only half-clear Rory Delap’s long throw. Stoke should have been level five minutes later, Ricardo Fuller’s effort ruled out by the referee for not very much at all, but did equalize on sixty-three minutes when another Delap throw caused so much confusion among the Everton defence, they combined to put the ball in the net themselves – Howard jumping under Phil Jagielka’s glanced contact. There was more controversy to come with fifteen minutes remaining when Leon Cort handled in the area only to see a free-kick given outside it but Everton weren’t to be denied and Cahill popped up to steam-hammer a header home from Arteta’s corner a scant three minutes later.

 

Tottenham Hotspur 1 Aston Villa 2

A raggedy-arsed Tottenham were comprehensively beaten by Aston Villa, despite the score-line suggesting otherwise. The visitors took the lead as early as the fifth minute, after John Carew mis-timed a flick off Garbriel Agbonlahor’s cross and the ball came to Nigel Reo-Coker to finish comprehensively from close in. Heurelho Gomes then kept Spurs in the game with a couple of impressive saves but it was all to go horribly, Taibi-esquely wrong for the Brazilian on fifty-four minutes. Gareth Barry turned away from trouble in the middle of the park and fed Ashley Young, who passed Michael Dawson as if he was a traffic cone. The Villa winger’s effort, though, was scuffed and straight at the Tottenham keeper, who nevertheless contrived to dive all over the ball and get himself on the end-of-season bloopers video. A late Darren Bent goal, which he knew very little about, wasn’t enough to get anything from this game for sorry Spurs and they find themselves propping up the table.

 

West Bromwich Albion 3 West Ham United 2

With West Ham coming apart at the seams in recent days, the Baggies would have been confident of a win going into this one and needed only two minutes to take the lead when James Morrison nodded home Borja Valero’s right wing cross. The Hammers fought back and drew level when Scott Carson could only parry David di Michele’s header into the path of Mark Noble on the half-hour mark. Five minutes later and they were in front, after Lucas Neill was allowed to ghost in on Matthew Upson’s header across the box from a Noble corner. Sixty sends later and it was all square once more – Robert Green adjudged to have brought down Leon Barnett when replays suggested he’d played the ball – when Roman Bednar stepped up to drill home his second penalty of the campaign. With the second half less open than the first had been, it took until seven minutes from the end before the deciding goal came, Chris Brunt getting away from the West Ham defence to convert Paul Robinson’s pass to register a win the home side probably just about deserved. The watching Gianfronco Zola would have been given plenty of food for thought.

 

Wigan Athletic 1 Sunderland 1

Wigan were held at home by Sunderland thanks to some great last-ditch defending from the visitors and a contribution from the Usual Suspect in the home side’s back-line. Yes, he’s been out of the headlines for a little while but Titus Bramble makes a return to the back pages after nodding home Steed Malbranque’s cross-shot to give the Black Cats the lead in the fifteenth minute. Wigan poured forward in search of an equalizer but were constantly denied by a resolute Sunderland back-line for most of the game, whilst the visitors themselves continued to create chances on the counter. Inevitably, it was the increasingly-impressive Amr Zaki who finally found a way through for Wigan, after Maynor Figueroa’s left-wing cross eluded all-comers in the Sunderland box to leave the loan hit-man on four goals from his first four Premier League games. There were to be no more goals in a very entertaining game, but I’d be surprised if these two sides are anywhere near a relegation fight come the business end of the season.