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Five Spices From Chairman Damon

Log on to this page after each round of games for the lowdown on how each team fared. He’s harsh, but fair and you won’t find anything quite like it elsewhere. Enjoy our Chairman’s pithy post match analysis of the overpaid heroes and goats that make up the “Happy Band” of the EPL. If you're in the prawn sandwich and skim latte club, or part of the "Dippy Darling" brigade this column is not for you!!

Who's hot? Who's not? Who's left their bottle at home? Watch this space carefully as the season unwinds.

Who was hot before?  Visit Damon's 2008/09 season archives to find out!

Previous Analysis:

World Cup 1st Round Pt 2.... World Cup 1st Round Pt 1.... Round Thirty-Seven.... Round Thirty-Six.... Round Thirty-Five

World Cup Diary Pt. 3

Day 11

Portugal sparked into life to destroy North Korea in a re-run of the 1966 quarter-final. North Korea weren't able to race into a three goal lead this time but certainly looked dangerous during a fairly even first half, that saw the sides only separated by Raul Meireles' fine finish from Tiago's astute through ball. The goal had done wonders for Portuguese self-confidence and they were two up within eight minutes of the restart as Simao tucked the ball under Ri Myong-guk after another flowing move involving Meireles and Hugo Almeida. Three minutes later and Almeida was on hand to head home Fabio Coentrao's cross as the Koreans crumbled. On the hour, the impressive Tiago side-footed home Cristiano Ronaldo's cross for the fourth before a three-goal blitz in the last ten minutes put the gloss on the result. Liedson spanked home a volley after Ri Kwang-chong could only sky his defensive interception with nine minutes left before Ronaldo, without an international goal in two years, finally grabbed one after the ball broke kindly for him when through against Ri. Tiago nodded a seventh with a minute of normal time remaining and Portugal are all-but in the next round, provided they avoid a hammering at the hands of Brazil.

Referee Khalil Al Ghamdi took centre stage at the Nelson Mandela Bay stadium, where Chile edged past ten-man Switzerland in the supporting program. The appearance of the red card was a racing certaintly from the moment the Saudi Arabian booked Chilean striker Humberto Suazo in the first minute and it duly appeared on the half hour as Valon Behrami was sent off after some clumsy but not particularly malicious arm-waving as he looked to escape his marker. Eight more yellows were to follow as Al Ghamdi strutted and fretted his time upon the stage and ensured he'd have an incident-packed video of his great moment to show the grand-kids. The resilient Swiss, and particularly goalkeeper Diego Benaglio, managed to hold out until a quarter of an hour from the end, when Esteban Paredes picked out Mark Gonzalez to head the winner from six yards. Eren Derdiyok could well have snatched a late equaliser for Switzerland but, perhaps realising he'd upstage the clear star of the show, humbly zipped his shot wide from twelve yards to leave this group balanced on a knife-edge going into the last game.

Spain began their recovery from their poor start with a win against Honduras that leaves the Central Americans hanging on by their fingertips. The Spanish dominated from the start and went ahead shortly after the quarter-hour when David Villa cut in from the left, jinked through a couple of half-hearted challenges and, though off-balance, stuck the ball into the top corner. Once behind, the Hondurans never really looked to have enough to get back into the match and had their work cut out for them simply to deny their opponents a second. Things may have turned out differently had Villa seen a deserved red for a girly slap at Emilipo Izaguirre but, still on the pitch, the striker went on to score his and his side's second just five minutes after the break when his shot from outside the area caught a slight deflection off Osman Chavez which took it beyond keeper Noel Valladarez. A hat-trick opportunity was passed up when he put his spot-kick wide after Izaguirre had tripped Jesus Navas but the miss shouldn't prove costly as just a single-goal win in their last game will take them past Chile ... whilst anything less might still see the European Champions eliminated.

Day 12

Mexico and Uruguay went into their last round match knowing a draw would be enough to see both sides through. Thankfully, that didn't prevent them from putting on a hugely entertaining, end-to-end spectacle. Luis Suarez headed home Edinson Cavani's cross for what proved to be the winner just before half time but teh striker had also gone close beforehand, whilst Andres Guardardo crashed an effort against the bar for Mexico. The Mexicans dominated possession toward the end as they sought the equaliser that never came but, thankfully, results elsewhere mean both these sides progressed to the next round.

It's all been something of a disaster for France and they bowed out with defeat at the hands of hosts South Africa. In disarray off the pitch, the French at least all showed up but were behind after twenty minutes as Hugo Lloris completely missed Siphiwe Tshabalala's corner and Bongani Khumalo headed in. Six minutes later, Yohann Gourcuff became the latest casualty of a harsh sending off when he was given his marching orders for a clumsy but apparently unintentional aerial clash and France's task became all-but impossible. Eight minutes before the break, Tshabalala broke down the right and his cross was scuffed up in the air by Abou Diaby, Tsepo Masilela turned the ball back across goal and the galumphing, clodhopping efforts of Gael Clichy were never going to be able to prevent Katlego Mphela from turning the ball home. With Uruguay winning in Rustenburg, the South Africans had brief hopes of making the second round but when Mphela's second-half effort came back off the post, then Florent Malouda turned home Franck Ribery's square ball from close range, the job proved just beyond them.

Argentina march on after they comfortably saw off Greece to win group B. The Greeks seemed intent to try and nullify the threat posed by the Argentine strike force and did so largely successfully, though at the same time carrying very little threat of their own. Their resistance was finally broken with a quarter of an hour remaining, when Martin Dimichelis walloped the ball into the roof of the net after his initial effort from a corner had bounced back to him off Diego Milito. Sotirios Papastathopoulos had done an admirable man-marking job on Lionel Messi throughout the game but the little winger found himself more space in the game's last ten minutes and it was his drive, beaten out by Alexandros Tzorvas, that fell to substitute Martin Palermo to tuck away and make the game safe.

South Korea joined Argentina in the next round after a hard-fought draw against Nigeria. The Nigerians, desperate to progress on their own continent, were dangerous throughout the game and were ahead after twelve minutes when Kalu Uche converted Chidi Odiah's low cross. Korea came back, however, and Lee Jung-Su bundled home Ki Sung-Yeung's free kick seven minutes before the interval before Park Chu-Young curled his free-kick beyond Vincent Enyeama four minutes after the break to put his side ahead. Nigeria pushed again and Yakubu Ayegbini was guilty of the miss of the tournament when he somehow contrived to put his effort wide from four yards with all of an empty goal to aim at. The Everton striker did get on the scoresheet with a cool penalty with twenty minutes remaining, after Ogbasi Ogbuki was taken out in the area by Kim Nam-Il, but despite their increasingly frantic attempts, a third and decisive goal wouldn't come.

Day 13

The United States finished top of group C after Landon Donovan's last-gasp goal saw them beat Algeria. The Americans had bossed the preceding ninety minutes but found Algerian shot-stopper Raid Ouheb M'bolhi in good form and were also guilty of some wayward finishing. Clint Dempsey had the ball in the net after twenty minutes, only to see his effort incorrectly ruled out by the linesman, and the same player had seen an effort cannon back off a post early in the second half. With elimination looming, coach Bob Bradley threw on additional attackers Edson Buddle and Benny Feilhaber but the Algerians, still with qualification hopes of their own, looked to took advantage with a succession of attempted counter-attacks. Deep into injury time and with the World Cup looking over, Jozy Altidore made one last run down the right and crossed to Dempsey. Though M'bolhi made a sharp save to keep out the midfielder's initial effort, the ball fell kindly to Donovan, who found the corner to put them into the second-round.

England finally found some form to see off Slovenia to progress in second place out of a group they had expected to coast through. The English exerted more control over the game than the scoreline suggests and were ahead after twenty minutes when Jermain Defoe beat his marker to convert James Milner's excellent cross from the right. A second goal proved elusive, however, with Steven Gerrard denied by a good Samir Handanovic stop and Frank Lampard failing to hit the target with a snap-shot after the keeper had punched out another Milner cross. The early stages of the second half followed the pattern of the first, with Defoe unable to guide a hurried attempt on target and both John Terry and Wayne Rooney forcing further good saves from Handanovic. The failure to put the game beyond their opponents led to some nervy moments in the game's closing stages, with first Terry then Glen Johnson having to throw themselves in the way of Milijove Novakovic efforts and Matthew Upson forced to make a vital last-ditch tackle to disposess the same player. They survived and now face Germany in round two.

Germany recovered from their setback against Serbia to edge past Ghana and top the group. In an excellent and open game, played at a high tempo, chances came and went for both sides, with Asamoah Gyan serially denied and both Lucas Podolski and Cacau going close. The winner came on the hour, when Mesut Ozil collected a loose ball just outside the area and unleashed a tremendous left-footed drive past the despairing Richard Kingson. The Ghanaians came roaring back and only some stout German defending, particularly from Phillip Lahm, kept them out. At the final whistle, Germany had won the group but, as news came through from the other group game, Ghana could at least take consolation from being the only African side to make the second round.

Australia bowed out in no little style as they put their first game hammering behind them in eliminating Serbia. It was the Serbians, however, who enjoyed far the better of the first half and Milo Krasic forced Mark Schwarzer into a good stop before then blazing over having rounded the keeper. Schwarzer also had to be at his best in pulling off a sensational stop to deny Branislav Ivanovic and it looked to be only a matter of time before the goal came. The Australians had other ideas, came out for the second half looking far better than they had during the first and they took the lead with twenty minutes left through a trademark, stonking Tim Cahill header. Serbia looked shell-shocked and fell further behind just four minutes later, as Brett Hollman rifled in from range. Serbia finally responded and Marko Pantelic poked the ball home after Schwarzer had dropped a Zoran Tosic cross, meaning one more goal would have seen them qualify. The chance to score that goal came in the dying seconds but Pantelic could only lash an attempt wide as the ball came to him from the right. Heartbreak for both sides, then, but both have played their part this World Cup.

Day 14

Holders Italy crashed out of the competition at the first hurdle after coming off second-best in an enthralling game with Slovakia. The drama started in the twenty-fifth minute when Daniele De Rossi gifted possession to Juraj Kucka in the Italian half and the Slovakian midfielder's beautifully disguised and weighted pass was steered into the corner of the net by Robert Vittek. The Italians' aging bones didn't help them in getting back into the game and, despite manager Marcello Lippi bringing on both Christian Maggio and Fabio Quagliarella at the break to boost their attacking options, it was the Slovakians who scored the first of the second half after Vittek embarrassed Giorgio Chiellini at the net post to steer home Marek Hamsik's low cross. Things may have turned out differently had Martin Skrtel not just about blocked Quagliarella's shot on the line just minutes earlier but now the Italians were chasing the game with the desperation impending doom brings. They finally pulled a goal back with ten minutes to go; Quagliarella played a smart one-two with Vincenzo Iuaquinta to cut through the middle of the Slovak defence and, though Jan Mucha parried the striker's shot, Antonio Di Natale was on hand to turn home the rebound. Scant minutes later and the Azzurri thought they were back on terms, only for Quagliarella to be correctly flagged as he put the ball in the net. Again, though, uncharacteristic hesitation at the back cost the Italians dear, as substitute Kamil Kopunek was allowed to run through onto a throw in and lift the ball over Feredrico Narchetti as the keeper rashly went to ground in front of him. Still there was time for Quagliarella to score the goal of the tournament so far, with an outrageously delicate chip over Mucha from outside the area that raised his side's hopes once more but when Simone Pepe then miscued his volley at the back post with only seconds remaining, those hopes were extinguished for another four years. Breathless stuff.

New Zealand bow out of the World Cup unbeaten after a bore draw against Paraguay. With the South Americans already through, Paraguay just about turned up to fulfill their fixture obligation, whilst the limit of the New Zealanders' ambitions appeared to be to avoid defeat. Given the resources at their disposal and the widespread expectation they were likely to be one of the tournament's whipping boys, they can certainly be forgiven that but perhaps, just perhaps, a goal would have been enough to see them make the second round. Conjecture apart, this has been a campaign above all expectations for the All Whites and they can go home (some back to their day jobs) with heads held high.

Japan progress to the next round for the first time on foreign soil after beating Denmark. The Japanese looked full of confidence and went ahead just after the quarter-hour when Keisuke Honda smashed a thirty yard free-kick into the top corner, the garage forecourt ball swerving erratically past Thomas Sorensen on its way in. Another free-kick, another goal came on the half-hour, as Yasuhito Endo displayed a different approach in curling his kick around the wall with Sorensen, again, unable to keep it out. Endo almost bagged another early in the second half, with Sorensen allowing his lofted effort through his hands and onto the post, but it was eventually Denmark who were the next to score. Dan Agger made the most of minimal contact in the box from Makoto Hasebe and, though Eiji Kawashima kept out Jon Dahl Tomasson's weak spot kick, the keeper couldn't hold it and the Dane followed up to score. The fightback was a short-lived affair, however, and Shinji Okazaki made the game safe with three minutes left after some deft footwork from Honda had carried him beyond the Danish defence. A fully-derserved win for Japan continues Asia's decent showing here.

The Netherlands, meanwhile, booked a regulation win against already-elminated Cameroon to finish top of their group with a 100% record. The Africans clearly intended to finish their campaign on a positive note but, despite having much of the possession and exerting no little pressure, struggled to convert their advantage into goalscoring chances. Robin van Persie put the Dutch ahead ten minutes before half-time when he tucked Rafael van der Vaart's through ball between the legs of Hamidou Souleymanou but quite how the offside Dirk Kuyt wasn't judged to be interfering with play as he jumped over the pass is anyone's guess. Cameroon continued to press and were rewarded twenty minutes into the second half when van der Vaart blocked Geremi Njitap's free-kick with an arm and Samuel Eto'o fired home the penalty for his side's first goal in the competition - and the first goal Holland had conceded. In their desire to find a late winner, Cameroon were leaving themselves stretched at the back and, with seven minutes to go, substitute Arjen Robben made the most of the space afforded by running onto Wesley Sneijder's excellent through-ball and cutting inside Rigobert Song. Though the winger's left-footed drive cracked back off the post, arch-predator Klaas-Jan Huntelaar was on hand to steer home the rebound. The return of Robben to an already dangerous-looking Netherlands side should have the rest of the teams left in this World Cup watching the Dutch warily. They look a very good bet to go far.

Day 15

Portugal and Brazil played out a stalemate really only noteworthy for the running battle played out between Portugal's Pepe and Brazil's Felipe Melo, plus supporting cast. The draw meant both sides went through, there's little much to add, so we'll move swiftly on.

North Korea's campaign came to and end with defeat at the hands of Ivory Coast, who nonetheless join them in the departure lounge. The Ivorians needed to win this by a cricket score and hope Brazil would beat Portugal in order to progress but, in the event, saw neither of those wishes come true. As could be expected, the West Africans started with intent and could have already gone ahead several times before Yaya Toure side-footed home on the quarter hour. Six minutes later and Romaric headed them two up after Didier Drogba's volleyed screamer had crashed back off the bar. Drogba, indeed, had trouble hitting the target all game and was guilty of wasting a couple of golden opportunities to increase the lead. Substitute Salomon Kalou did turn home Arthur Boka's cross to net a third with eight minutes left but by then, any chance of progressing had pretty-much evaporated.

In group H, Spain beat ten-man Chile to finish as group winners. The Chileans started brightly, committed to attack and closing down fast and high up the pitch to cause the Europeans problems. In the early stages, the only thing recognisable about the Spaniards' much-vaunted midfield was Sergio Busquets's all-too-familiar tumbling thespianism. The South Americans' undoing, though, is that they tend to be equally as cavalier at the back as in attack and their laxity cost them half-way through the first half. The flustered Gerard Pique hoofed a long ball down the wing to relieve some pressure and Fernando Torres followed after it more in hope than expectation. Keeper Claudio Bravo, though, having been a little lax in coming out of his goal earlier in the game, had come racing from his line and slid in, diverting the ball up the wing where David Villa was lurking. Forty-five yards out, the striker curled a wonderful first-time, left-footed effort into the net and his side were off the hook. Fifteen minutes later, it was two, as Andres Iniesta exchanged passes with both Torres and Villa before passing the ball beyond Bravo and into the corner for a classy finish. In the build-up to the goal, covering defender Marco Estrada had accidentally clipped Torres's heels as he moved back to cover. The Spaniard went down as if bullseyed by a bazooka and stayed there with the clear intention of cheating his side to a numerical advantage. Referee Marco Rodriguez bought the act hook, line and sinker and Estrada was off. It took the South Americans until half-time to reorganize but they came out strongly for the second half and substitute Rodrigo Millar put them back in the game when his shot cannoned off Pique and over Iker Casillas. Ultimately, though, the extra man was made to tell for Spain and they looked to hold their lead through the simple expedient of keeping the ball away from the Chileans, who couldn't maintain their earlier levels of effort with just ten men on the park. Thankfully, defeat didn't prevent one of this World Cup's great entertainers from progressing to the next round, along with the Spaniards. As for them, they now face the Portuguese in what promises to be a veritable feast of cynical and gittish gamesmanship in the second round.

Switzerland, meanwhile, failed miserably to shake off their cautious natures and rouse themselves to beat Honduras. Despite the best efforts of Tranquillo Barnetta to carve out an opening, Bloemfontein witnessed a clear demonstration on the limitations of simply being well-organized as a lack of creative spark cost the Swiss dear. The Hondurans, for their part, were determined not to go home from the World Cup without a point and were happy enough to soak up what pressure there was and try to hit their opponents on the break, only to find Diego Benaglio still in the great form he has been in all tournament. It has to be said, from random and general comments I've heard all fortnight, not many neutrals will be overly sad to see the back of Switzerland but I think they played their part and did, at least, provide the tournament's first real talking point when beating the Spanish.

Day 16 follows in part four.